Free Cussing Zone - and More Sex!

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I bought a new cell phone

Not a new plan, just an upgraded phone. See, my old phone just would not accept any headset at all - couldn't do hands-free - and because of the law in Chicago, I couldn't use my phone there, as it's "hands-free or not at all", and driving in the city is usually one of those places where I need assistance (call Leandra for directions).

So I got this new nifty phone. It's an older model, but functional, and I have a house charger, a car charger and an earbud thingy. (no, not a cyborg-like blue-toof - yet.) It also allows me to d/l ringtones to my satisfaction, and to use it as a speakerphone (altho I need to learn HOW - RTFM and all that), and it takes pictures.

I have, so far, taken pictures of the sales-counter top in the mobile store, my steeringwheel, the knee of my pants and my thumb (extreme closeup on thumb).

The "take a picture" button is on the side of the phone where I usually grab it to hold while I am dialing.

I believe this will require a certain period of adjustment. *blush*

320 days

Potholes

This has been one of the more icey/sn*wy winters here in a while. Not "OMGWTFGLOBALWARMINGWEALLGONNADIE" bad, but typical weather for winter in this area - given that the last several years have been atypically mild.

As a result of a return to "normal" winter weather, the salt & plow guys have been working more than usual, and a great deal of salt has been used on the roads.

Salt is used to keep the ice from making all the cars smack into each other. Salt also gets into the tiny cracks in the pavement and combined with the bouncing of traffic (especially heavy trucks) eventually the pavement becomes weak in some areas and holes form. This is a totally non-scientific analysis, I'm sure someone else knows better how it works. Phllhhbbbhhttt on them - I don't care how they de-erupt, I just care about the craters they leave in the road.

Out front of our work building there is a car-eating crater. It's rather amusing to watch folks creepy-crawl around it. Without a doubt anyone who was foolish enough to drive THROUGH it would end up learning how to change a flat tire fair quickly.

As of this morning, some of these potholes have been filled with asphalt. Most of them already have a coating of salt on them. A few are already sinking in, and I suspect they will revert to their devious tire-eating behavior within days.

For once I actually look forward to Spring road construction season. Hopefully they'll rework the area under the overpass so that I don't have to drive as if I were drunk to avoid all the holes.

I do try to avoid the holes, you know. Especially after my former roommate Jon rather dryly commented to me that "The idea is to AVOID the potholes - not aim straight for them and cringe!!"

Bastard.

321 days

Excitement! Cops in my house!

Ok, it was only one cop. And she was very short. It was my fault. I called them. I live in a "Quad" condo - there's one short unit, 2 "up and down" units, and then another short unit over the garages.

I came home from work last night and swung around the corner of the small street that my house lives on, and saw something odd at the end of the street (I live near a "T" intersection). There were 2 boys on the roof of the short unit house opposite mine. Yoofs - maybe 15 to 17 yrs old? One in a bright turquoise track suit, the other in jeans and a dark hoodie.

As I came around the corner, the one in the track suit jumped off the roof into the back yard of the house. This house seems to be empty - there's been a "For Sale" sign in the window, and there is a window into the next unit in the middle of the wall that rises up from their roof. (Confused yet? Sorry.)

The kid in the dark hoodie started to run for the back yard, but then dropped to his belly and rolled into the part of the roof that was next to the wall with the window - out of my sight. I stopped my car and just sat there to watch what happened - this was very strange behavior.

The kid then popped his head up for a couple seconds, saw me sitting there, and popped his head down again.

Ok - I'm suspicious now. In our subdivision, there are NEVER people on the roof unless they have tool belts and vans and hammers and things. And they don't hide - they stomp around in plain sight. Now, this could be just kids being silly or looking for a lost frisbee - but something sent up serious warning lights in my head - so I drove into my parking space, went in and called the cops.

The dispacher was - seriously - nuts. She didn't get what I was saying, she kept saying she couldn't picture it from what I said (Sorry, dear, but ALL the units look the same!!) and was generally a rather unpleasant person - but she did send some officers - THREE cop cars!!!

There was a knock at my back door - the petite lady cop came in and I took her up to MY window overlooking the roof (from which you could see the house opposite quite clearly) and showed her where I saw the Yoofs and explained what happened - then she left and the cops stomped around outside for a while, stopped a kid in a grey sweats outfit with a hoodie and talked to him for a while (patted down his legs?) - then drove off.

Ok - maybe I overreacted - but "neighborhood watch" and all that - and it was just too suspicious looking. I'd rather be wrong and look foolish than to have someone in the neighborhood get robbed or vandalized because I wasn't alert.

And maybe the cops will do a few extra runs thru the neighborhood during the day/night.

Damn kids....

325 days

Warning: Politically Themed Post

For those who don't like listening to me rant on about the evils of the Bush Regime, why not just skip down 2 posts and go read about my Dad's wallet - it's a cute story.

"CBS News covers the world at 8:00"

That's the way the radio announcer segues into the headline news on my way in to work every morning. Gotta love WBBM AM.

This morning's top story was about the mortgage forclosure crisis. I gasped. The newsman said that this was the WORST mortgage forclosure crisis since THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

Thank you, George W. Bush. Just as President Clinton told your daddy - "IT"S THE ECONOMY, STUPID!!!!!!!" Another clueless rich boy in the white house and even Dana (I'm sooooo blonde) Perino admits that this didn't happen overnite - Bush has been killing the economy for YEARS!!!!!

So the country heads for another great depression a "Recession", Bush takes a meeting - and then does squat, no doubt, still convinced that Voodoo Reaganomics can work.

Ralph Nader announced he's going to run for President again. You seen a photo of this guy lately? He looks even more like an ambulatory corpse than Keith Richards. Seriously, do we really need another old guy without a clue trying to be a "spoiler" in the election?

On to other (non-political) things:

I fixed my camera. The problem was with the battery door. It wouldn't stay shut, so as soon as I would move my hand to "taking a photo" position instead of "holding the battery door shut" position, the door would fall open and the batteries would fall out.

Seems one of the hinges was just a scootle bit broken - superglue to the rescue, it's all mended now and works fine. YAY

326 days

Trash cans

Not really a can, per se. It is, in fact, plastic - and I think cans have to be metal.

Anyoldhow...

How in the 9 hells does one get rid of a trash can? I have this plastic trash receptical, about 3' tall and 18" diameter. It used to have handles, but they broke off long ago. It used to have wheels, but they disappeared. I've been dragging it by the lip to the curb for trash pickup for several years, and now it has a big hole in the bottom and is, generally, useless. I tried putting it out empty, but the trash guys just ignored it.

Help!!

327 days

My Dad's Wallet

Part I

Fall, 1994

For the first time in his life, my father lost his wallet. He was certain someone had stolen it. We tried the whole walk-thru-where-you-were-last trick, including calling the hotel where he had attended a luncheon function for his men's club, all to no avail. Dad was certain that "those so-and-so's" had stolen his wallet.

We looked in every spot we could imagine, and Dad stormed back and forth in the livingroom, swearing and yelling about the thieves.

Eventually he became resigned to the fact it was gone (THERE WAS MONEY IN IT!!!), and bought a new wallet, cancelled his credit cards, got a new driver's license, &etc. Eventually sanity returned and we all forgot about it.

Winter, Early 1995

I hadn't owned my house for very long, but my parents had retired, and turned into "Snowbirds" - dragging their 32 1/2 ft. travel trailer behind their Suburban all around Florida for 3 or 4 months out of the year during the winter.

At this time, I lived fairly close to the auld homestead, (still do, although they moved) and so I was appointed Keeper of the Keys and Mailer of the Mail. In other words, every day I'd stop at their house, go pick up the newspaper out of the yard, check to make sure everything was OK, bring in and sort the mail and once a week send them their (important) mail to "General Delivery" in the town they would be headed for, so they could pay their bills and stuff.

One morning during the early spring thaw (Usually happens during late January or early February), I went out to the house before work to take care of the newspaper and mail. Parked my car out back, went thru the house and out the front door to get the newspaper.

As I turned around, I kind of stopped for a moment and looked at the house - you know how sometimes you just look at the house? Something was off. On the lower roof (It was a bi-level), directly above the livingroom, was some small square object, like a little box or package. I ventured closer. It was brown and wet looking, about 4" square and an inch or so thick. My mind whirled... Could it be?

Yeah, I was already late for work, but you bet your bunions I went back to the garage and got a stepladder and a rake. I raked the package toward me and plucked it from the roof. I didn't have to open it. It was, in fact, the wallet. **

Of course I opened it - you nutz or something? There it was, his driver's license, voter registration, credit cards and all $7.23 - nothing stolen.

In all my life I never heard my Mom laugh to the point of being unable to speak until that day, 2 days later, when she called to check on things. I told her the story over the phone. About the time I got to the part about "you know how sometimes you just look at the house"? She was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. When I got finished, she managed to gasp out "Is there something you'd like to tell your Father?"

His quizzical tone when he took the phone told me Mom was still giggling. I told him the story too. He was not quite as amused. Ever since, if Dad says he has lost something - the first thing I say to him is "Have you checked on the roof?"

**Dad had been on the roof, cleaning leaves out of the gutters a few days before he noticed that his wallet was missing. We surmise that he had been up there and didn't notice that his wallet tried to make a break for it and jumped out of his pocket.

Part II

This last Sunday afternoon during our semi-regular phone call, Dad told me he had again lost his wallet. Naturally I asked him if he had checked on the roof and he gave me the long-distance verbal equivalent of a dirty look... Then he told me that he had found one of the credit cards a day after he had cancelled it. Figures, no?

Yesterday morning I got this e-mail from him:
"You really need to call more often. After you hung up, I found my wallet."

I love you, Daddy!!

Controlled Demolition

I've decided to move some things around in my livingroom. Furniture things. A few years ago, my then-next-door-neighbor, Ray, found me this very nice bookshelf unit at a garage sale for $2. It needs a bit of paint touch-up, but I have white spray paint, and the unit is white, and so that is all good.

The thing sat in my garage for a couple years, as I wasn't sure where I wanted to put it, although I was sure I wanted it, as I tend to outgrow my bookshelves with fair regularity.

I finally have decided on the perfect spot for it, and now I just needed to move a few things and re-position some cords (and replace the too-short phone cord, see January 31 ) and then I'd be all set to vacuum and paint the shelf and move it to it's new house.

The thing is, the few things I needed to move necessitated moving yet a few more things, and then a few more things and... well... end result is that I've got a completely fardleschnockered© livingroom disaster area - and no way to get the bookshelf to its new home through the chaos.

I am thinking this is going to be a much harder thing than it should have been.

328 days

Spending my lotto millions*

750 million dollars.Can you believe it**?

So the first thing I'm gonna do is buy eveybody I know a car. But not just ANY old car like Oprah does when she personally ponies up the cash and buys a bunch of cars has her producer cut a deal with an auto manufacturer to supply free-of-charge a studio-audience worth of new cars.

No no no.

I shall give a specific car to a specific person. For instance:

Leandra will get a brand-new green & white Chrysler 300.
Visionary will get a brand-new black Lincoln Navigator with a plow.
Croila will get a pink humvee.
Kal will get a bright blue PT Cruiser
Rauf will get a zebra car, so he can go quietly and look like another zebra in the forest... (I think zebras don't live in forests, tho...)
Babzy will get a happy yellow stretch limosine with a gorgeous driver named Sven.
BBC will get a Diesel Dodge Ram Pickup truck in white - modified to run on french-fry oil.
Amanda will get a green VW beetle.

Und so weiter.

Just imagine it, guys! You open your door up and peek outside and see a brand-spanking-new set of wheels waiting for you!

I think the second thing I'm gonna do is buy houses. I want to own both my grandmothers houses, as well as the house I grew up in, and a very large, very secluded house somewhere in North Carolina - far enough away from the coast so as to not be hurricane-fodder.

Sure, that's a lot of houses, but my greed is insatiable - not to mention that 750 mil can buy a lot of real estate, which should be a good investment again after this current crisis passes.



Tomorrow I will go looking for furniture...

*Long before even buying a ticket.
**I hope not!! I don't believe ya'll are THAT gullible...

333 days.
Grampa used to drink warm "333" beer. I shall take this as an omen.

Toozday...

Well, here it is, Tuesday, and I've still not gotten to Costco to pick up the last of my prescriptions. Too cold!! I can never get a parking spot anywhere within a city block or so from the store, so I've been bad and didn't go - but I have GOT to go tonite because I"m out of diltiazem, and I can TELL when I don't take it - get palpatations and all.

Soooooooo - heigh ho, heigh ho, it's in the cold I go..... Ugh. Trying to be perky about trudging through the frozen tundra of the Costco parking lot is not working. I guess I shall have to put on my curmudgeon hat and grumble a lot.

I do have a new hat. It is ridiculous. A while back I had posted a photo of me hiding behind my protest sign at one of the peace rally's here - wearing my brown coat and silly pink hat. Well, the silly pink hat is still functional, but it is old and I'm getting a bit tired of it. Also, it pulls out my ponytail, which is then a PITA to recomb and re-tail. So I got a new hat. It is blue and black and white/grey. It is head-hugging, kind of like the silly pink hat, but it is even sillier looking. It is FLUFFY. Furry!! It looks like a blue and black and grey cat lying on the desk here by me. It is, however, warm, and not the pink hat, and it doesn't pull my hair all over.

You know, I've been looking at how often I post. It's a good thing they don't pay me to write this blog, because I'm one piss-poor correspondent.

By the way - Croila asked why I spell it Sn*w... BBC got it right. After the first 1/2 inch or so, it becomes a vile and nasty 4-letter word that should not be spelled out in polite company!!

335 days