Friday, March 16, 2007

Bye Bye Lump

Well, I survived it. Interestingly enough, I was awake and aware the whole time. I thought I'd have been in and out of it, but I remember a lot. I remember joking with the staff, telling my surgeon not to sneeze, and asking, and getting, to see the tumor when they took it out. I was right, it was about the size of a peeled hard-boiled egg.

I'm supposed to be having discomfort, but I really don't feel any pain at all. Perhaps a bit of numb tingling and pulling, but that's about it. I'm not doing any calesthentics, however, just taking it easy and napping.

They tell me I can call in 2 days for pathology results. I'm hoping that's all just formality - they seemed fair convinced it was the "lipoma" - a fatty tumor - that they'd said it would be, and that it's all out now. My back neck doesn't feel lumpy there anymore so that's a good thing.

The surgeon did say that it MIGHT need to be drained out if the empty space left by the tumor fills with water/liquid, but maybe not. I'm just glad it's all over.

695 Days

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Jesus made me drop my cake!

So I'm reading a "Women's Magazine" - you've seen the type, I'm sure. The covers almost inevitably show a slender woman holding up a pair of oversized jeans with lurid headlines plastered over them "I lost 250 lbs. in 20 minutes and so can YOU!!!" - but once one actually goes in to look at the magazine, one realizes that it's a melange of the absurd:

Page 1-5, How to clean your house in 10 minutes without breaking a sweat
Page 6-8, My diet and why it works.
Page 9 The world's most decadent Quadruple Chocolate Cake Recipe
Page 10-12 My husband, the man of my dreams (BARF!!!)
Page 19-36 Creme Puffs, Boston Creme Pie and Eclairs in a jiffy!!!
Page 37-42 Filet Mignon on a budget

Anyhow - sometimes I like to read them, just to try and get in touch with my (PUKE) Feminine Side.

This one had the obligatory "watch me fit in one leg of my former jeans" photo on the front, so I figured there must be some awesome recipies inside. I do, however, force myself to read the amazing diet stories, because otherwise it would be more of a wasteful expense than I care to admit.

Now, this story covered 4 women. 3 of them lost large amounts of weight, but over sensible amounts of time - 53 lbs over 18 months, for instance. But one just absolutely amazed me - she claimed to have lost 102 lbs. in just EIGHT MONTHS!!

Fascinating... as Spock would say.

So for lunch today, I read her story. I almost started to cry I was laughing so hard. She gained a few pounds after her baby, so she resorted to Fen-phen. But then she broke down and WEPT because she heard how hard it was on the body and that it could cause heart damage. So she went to her Doctor to get a SAFE weight-loss pill.

Ok... hold the presses. She doesn't really want to WORK to lose her baby-fat, she just wants a miracle drug. Right. Ok. Onward.

Instead of prescribing more drugs for our tubby little missy, the good Dr. sends her to this weight-loss "Workshop". In exceptionally TEENY TINY type, the article mentions that this is a "Faith Based Program". RED FLAG!!! RED FLAG!!!!

She came home from the meeting and went to finish frosting a cake she had baked. She wanted some cake. Oh how she wanted some cake. She'd been looking forward to cake all day, and now, there it was, a lovely, frosted cake...

SHE DROPPED TO HER KNEES... and begged Jesus to help her resist the cake. INSTANTLY she felt better. She KNEW she could resist the temptation. She went to move the cake to a less accessible countertop. As she lifted the cake - she dropped the whole thing on the floor. OH PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!! JESUS MADE ME DROP THE CAKE!!!

I threw up about this time, so I'm not real sure how it ended. I'm seriously thinking of writing to the editor and complaining about fake stories.


Many years ago I saw a cartoon in the Reader's Digest.

The picture was of a nurse, holding a guy's hairy arm with a bandage on it. The caption read "Should I take it off in one agonizing rip, or a series of excruciating jerks?"

I, myself, am of the "one agonizing rip" team. Get it over with. Soonest done, soonest mended.

I am beginning to see why I can never again be a Republican or a Conservative. GWB has shown that he's on the opposite team. He's inflicting a series of excruciating jerks on us. Good Job, Gonzie!!

696 days

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Testing 1, 2, 3...

Bleah. After work today I have to stop at the clinic and get some "pre-procedure testing" done. Chest X-Ray, blood test, EKG


Like I need to be bombarded by any more radiation, TYVM. And we already know my heartbeat is wonky, and you've GOT a printout of that. This not to mention the fact that I am one of the world's most DIFFICULT blood draws. My veins move, wiggle, disappear into muscles, roll, bounce - do anything at all to avoid being poked by a needle. Not to say I blame them, actually.

The thing that is the biggest PITA is that this really isn't all that necessary. It's a simple "lumpectomy" - excision of a neck lipoma, according to the surgeon. All this fol-de-rol is CYA for the hospital. Fucking bastards.

697 days

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Quote of the Day

Shamelessly stolen from someone on

"I especially hate the anti-marijuana commercials that say if you smoke pot you support terrorism. Apparently, the guy down the street from me in high school with the hydroponics unit in his closet was a terrorist. I didn't know terrorists ate so many cheetos. You would think the government would be able to spot them then by their orange dusty hands."

698 days

Monday, March 12, 2007

Burble Burble

Yeah, I know, it's a lousy title, but this is gonna meander all over the place so why try and typecast it?

Saturday was a total blast. Went to a sewing seminar where they showed us how to make our own "this fits ME" patterns. First thing we did was duct-tape each other into a t-shirt. You put on an old or new-but-unloved t-shirt, then you get wrapped up in duct tape so it fits your body snugly. After you're all wrapped up like a little silvery mummy, they cut you out of the shirt and voila! you have a perfect little silver "you" to make a pattern from. Easier than chopping off body parts, and no math.

Learned how to make cartridge pleats - ok - I was SUPPOSED to learn how to make cartridge pleats, but I think I'm still confused, but the gal who gave the seminar left her e-mail address, so I suppose I can just fire off an e-mail and ask questions. I'm clear on the first part, but after that it becomes a bit hazy for me and I'm not sure how exactly everything gets attached to the bodice without leaving big gapes for the breeze to waft through. I must have missed something.

Anyhow - it went on from 11 a.m. until after 7pm and it was a blast. Totally a hen party, and I've not been to one of those in years and years. Amazing how a bunch of women who have never met before are able to bond and find commonality within minutes in a sewing environment.

I've been hearing Sammy Davis Jr. in my mind for the last 48 hours. "I gotta be me... I gotta be me...". Never all that fond of the song, but it's stuck in my head for some reason. I suspect there actually IS a reason, and I've been doing some meditating on it and have come to some conclusions. Again the impetus appears to be my 3rd cousin Lois - interesting. She was the one who prompted my week-long introspection on my adoption-baby status back when I was in high school. And that's really why I need to do some meditating. Too coincidental to be coincidence.

Wednesday I'm going in after work and having some tests taken - blood test, EKG, and a chest x-ray. This is because on Friday I have surgery scheduled to remove a lipoma from my neck which is irritating the snot out of me. It doesn't hurt - it's just like as if someone had taped a tennis-ball to the back of my neck. Every time I lean back in my chair or lay on my back in bed or something, I feel pressure and it's annoying. It's a bit bigger than the size of an egg. Dr. and Surgeon both say 99.9999% guaranteed benign.

I don't ever remember having to have all this crap before for surgery, however. The gall-bladder one was from the ER to the OR with barely a step between, but the "female" one was scheduled and all, and I just do not remember there being all this much hoo-hah over it. *shrug* Maybe just the times they are a changing and stuff. I just wanna get it over with, so I can start all the fun of dealing with the collections departments of all the stupid medical services.

So I thought I'd give myself a break from politics, but then I saw where Deadeye Cheney was crying in his beer again that if Congress didn't write GWB a blank check for Iraq it would "undermine the troops". Someone please just ram a dirty gym sock down his throat, eh? please.

Every time he opens his mouth, GWB destroys our military even more. By the time those 2 bloodthirsty bastards are out of office, we won't HAVE a military left. Only a lot of used hardware with nobody trained to use it.

Unless they reinstate the draft.

Which would - I believe - be a good thing for Peace. If you don't understand that, you might want to read this because it explains my entire whacked-out theory.

May I just say here that the whole "compose / edit html" options thing in Blogger sucks rancid pork belly juices? Thank you.

Ok, back to work.

699 days