Things I'd LOVE to say at work.... but can't
"I'm asking you for a little help - not the life of your firstborn child."
"Actually, yes, Miss, there is a reason we aren't paying your invoices at 30 days - it's because you are SUCH an annoying GIT that I've asked my boss to hold your payments just to piss you off even 1/2 as much as you piss ME off"
"Don't ask me... nobody tells me anything."
"Do I look like a farking private secretary???"
"Sorry, I died last week. I'm not being replaced for a month."
"This isn't brain surgery - I need those receipts!!"
"I'm sorry - I only take phone calls between 9:00 a.m. and 9:02 a.m. please try again later."
Disclaimer: Not all of the above are actually relevant to my current job. I actually love my job, despite the small aggravations and irritations and foibles.