Thursday, December 15, 2005

Donuts and Potholes

Oh what a beautiful Morn.... *thump* Crap. Hit a pothole.



Flat tire.

Limping slowly to the nearest parkinglot. Empty the trunk. Pull out the little round donut spare. Pull out the jack. I hate this jack. I also hate the tire iron. It's not really a tire iron - its' this tube thingy with a hinge. I don't know where to put the jack.

Scoot into the building. Ask the 2 guys who are ripping wallpaper off the walls if I can borrow a phone - I got a flat. Kind, kind, young man. Lets me use his cell, then tells me HE will change the tire.

Ok, 99.9999999% of the time I'm independent and damn proud of it. Only 2 things really are beyond me. 1) flipping the Hinkley & Schmidt water bottle on the water cooler, and 2) changing a flat tire.

Oh I know the concept of changing a flat. And I USED to flip the water bottle myself all the time - until my back went wonky. But the actual REALITY of changing a flat tire is somewhat beyond me.

Which isn't the worst thing in the world, I suppose. The lug nuts had been put on with one of those air-powered high-torque wrench guns at the tire shop a couple years ago and the kind young man kinda bent up and broke the stupid not-really-a-tire-iron. Fortunately, his compadre had a REAL steel tire iron, so the little donut spare is on my car, the flat is in the trunk, and my hands are all covered in rust from the stupid annoying little jack and the bent-up fake tire iron.

So I get to buy 2 new tires.


Where are all those sugar daddies?? They should have called by now!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Christmas Greed List

So last night the Prince asks me what I want for Christmas. Bah. I don't know. I know what I want - but from him? Let's face it, he's not exactly the person to tell my deep-dark secrets to.


Now that it's safely past any "last minute shopping" frenzy that anyone could do, I think I'm gonna make me a greed list. Stuff I just WANT. Not need. Not even would use on a regular basis... I don't give a flying fuck about 'the true meaning of the season' as it relates to this post. I know it's very material. This is about greed, dammit!!

Just stuff that would be really cool to get. I don't expect any of it. Stuff like:

Like a laptop computer that I could use for computer graphics or games. Just something so that if I end up in the hospital again, I don't go stir crazy. Would be nice to have at work too, or on vacation.

Computer hardware. An optical mouse. A cordless optical mouse and keyboard would be even cooler. Imagine being able to type from a prone position without cords all over!! I want one or more of those cute little usb stick drives too. They're cute. They saved my butt when Bob the computer became Dead Bob the computer. More RAM for Norm, the new XP box.

More bookshelves. Ok, this is one I'd use all the time. The more, the merrier. My house is like a library anyhow - might as well do up a dewey decimal thing and actually categorize and shelve them properly, rather than just stacking them on any available horizontal surface.

Remodelled bathrooms. Mine suck.
Remodelled kitchen. See bathrooms - above.

A landscaping slave for 2 days in May.

A real - REAL leather jacket.

New washer and dryer.

Emerald and diamond earrings.

That would do for starters. All you multi-millionaire sugar daddies line up and take a number. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Gotta go now - I'm sure this phone will start ringing off the hook any moment now...