Anthropomorphism and the Bungee Jumping Spider in the Cave
I had started driving to work this morning before I noticed him there. He was crawling around on the mirror while I drove thru the subdivision. It takes me 2-3 minutes to get out of our subdivision, and I go pretty slow because there are lots of cats and kids around, not to mention teenagers shooting out of the alleys without looking carefully first. Perhaps the spider thought it was a nice fresh summer breeze...
Sitting at the stoplight before turning onto the main highway, the spider starts to dangle from the mirror - suspended some 4 inches down from the mirror itself.
Now, take a break here - let's describe my mirror. This isn't your stainless-steel latched-onto-the-door mirror. This is one of those Space Age New Technology Black Plastic Dome type mirrors - sort of like the letter D with the flat stick part being the mirror.
Back to the dangling spiderciple, already in progress. Perhaps we should give our spider a name. How about... Bob. Bob the Spider.
Ok, so Bob is lazily spinning his way down toward the ground, I suspect in an attempt to create a great BIG Bob-the-spider web on the mirror and door of my car. What Bob failed to realize was that my car was about to turn left and start travelling at 45 mph.
Bob begins to fly. I don't think Bob has ever flown before. I suspect Bob thinking something like this:
Bob: OH SHIT!! WTF??? HOLY... WHOAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.. OMG OMG OMG OMG... sSTOP!!! WHOAAAAHHHHH
The car slows down for the next stoplight.
Bob: Oh whew. Ok... back up to the mirror - I need a stronger anchor to deal with this wind. Ok, anchor set, now back down to... WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHOAAAAAHHHH STOP STOP STOP STOP QUIT BEATING ME AGAINST THE MIRROR!!! OWIE OWIE OWIE OWIE STOP ALREADY STOP!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: *pant**pant* Ok, this isn't working out so well. Maybe I can just strap myself down onto the mirror until this wind storm stops. Ok.. I feel the wind... the wind is strong... STOP THE WIND!!! STOP IT... I"M STILL BOUNCING OFF THE MIRRROR STOP!!! STOP!!!!! OWIE. OWIEEEEEEEEEE
Bob: Must... Get... To... Safety... *Bob crawls into the plastic cover part of the mirror* A cave. A safe cave. I can wait here until the wind storm is over.
Bob: Ok.. safe now. Wind gone. I'll just crawl out and.. OH SHIT.. WIND.. Back to the cave...
Bob: Ok, I'll just stick one tentacle out... just one... Wind.. Back to cave...
Bob: You ain't fooling ME!!! I'm in this cave, and I'm STAYING RIGHT HERE.
I pulled into work, gathered my stuff and opened the door - Bob was still huddled in his mirror-housing cave.
Bungee Jumping is NOT healthy for spiders, it appears.