Thursday, August 17, 2006


So tonite I go to the Dr. I thought it was yesterday, but I was WRONG!! *shrug*

Anyhow - in the midst of all that is going on, one of my cats seems to have fallen ill. She's always been such a fussbudget about keeping herself groomed, but there is a spot on her back - directly above her rear feet - that is matted and sticky and looks as if someone had gotten a lollypop stuck in it then pulled it off.

(No, the catly ones do NOT go out of the house - so no little rug-rats to threaten with lollies)

So I will most likely need to take Kili to the vet. This will be strange, taking only the ONE cat in. Mindi and Kili have been together since... well, heck since BEFORE birth - they were litter-mates. I'm not sure what Mindi will do if something bad happens to Kili. Probably become even MORE of a clingy, snuggly, annoying little putz than she already is. (Love her to death, but when it's 98 degrees outside, I don't really want to have a hot furry cat in my lap!)

When Dad called the other night, he told me he wants me to help him pick out wallpaper for the kitchen when I go down there. *grin* That sounds like fun. I need to get the car AC fixed first, however. ANFW I am gonna drive to Florida without AC. Did it once, but I was much younger and stupider then.

Ok - off to make my "bitch list" for the Dr. tonite. I want to have all my quackers in a row so I can be assertive and firm with him.

I hate Drs.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Gah, I hate being Wrong

But I admit - I was. I thought I had a Dr. appt. this evening. Turns out it is tomorrow. So another day of worry and self-castigating for my sins of ommission, commission, gluttony, sloth, pride and indulgence.

Sucketh to be me, I suppose.

On the brighter side - someone I've owed some money for a couple of years just told me that he's considering the debt paid - although I figured on 3 more payments! This means I can either get the AC fixed, get my car fixed, pay off another debt - or some combination of the above.

I'm ok with that.

Monday, August 14, 2006

GOP Motto: The Buck Stops Over There -->

BLATANTLY stolen from a Yahoo Message Board Posting

It's the liberals. It's the ACLU. It's Clinton. It's Monica. It's the "climate of permissiveness". It's France. It's the liberal media. It's Clinton's p*nis. It's Hillary. It's Gov. Dean. We never could have known they'd fly planes into buildings. "No actionable intelligence". They didn't tell us to do anything. O'Neill's lying. Clarke's lying. General Shinseki's lying. The Union of Concerned Scientists is lying. Our own weapons inspector David Kay's lying. Wilson's lying. John Dean's lying. Newsweek lied! CBS lied! Everyone's lying but us. We had to lie. We never lied.

Plame outed herself. Her husband outed her. The liberals outed her. No one outed her, since everyone already knew her covert identity. Rove had nothing to do with it. No comment. Lib'ral, lib'ral, lib'ral.

It's the libs trying to pull Schiavo's feeding tube. It doesn't matter that DeLay pulled his own dad's feeding tube. "Culture of life". It's Janet Jackson's boobs; it's the Statue of Justice's boobs. Reading the news might cloud my judgement. It's the "decade our government...blinded itself to our enemies". It's the homosexuals wanting to marry. "Restore honor and dignity to the White House". A decision to go to war wasn't a decision to go to war. "No actionable intelligence". It's the pledge of allegiance. They're taking God out of America. Osama didn't tell us when, how, where, and by what means he'd attack, and he didn't leave a forwarding address. The 9/11 panel is biased against us. Saddam = Al Qaida. Saddam = Al Qaida.

Chalabi's an honorable man and I believe everything he says about WMDs. Chalabi's a crook and he passed secrets to Iran. Chalabi's the liberals' fault because they didn't shoot us when we started using his "intelligence". Chalabi? I don't know any 'Chalabi'!

It's just a few dead-enders. They'll be gone when we capture Saddam. They'll be gone when we capture Saddam's sons. They'll be gone when we hand over "sovereignty". They'll be gone when Iraq has elections. They'll be gone in 12 years. They'll never be gone.

We fight them in London so we don't have to fight them, er, uh, well, can't get fooled again!

Bolton didn't lie! He just knowingly gave incorrect answers under oath.

Aw, so what's another ISLAMIC STATE in the mideast? It's not like Bush has made it a home for terrorists or anything!

No one could have anticipated that a category 5 hurricane aimed directly at New Orleans would have destroyed it! No one could have anticipated that they might need federal assistance quickly! Of course no one's in charge of accepting the generous aid offered by other nations -- isn't that the mayor's responsibility? Being a judging supervisor for the Arabian Horse Association is ample experience to head FEMA! It's the mayor's fault! It's the governor's fault! It's Howard Dean's fault! It's CBS's fault! It's the Monica Crime! Ted Kennedy killed Mary Jo! Libtards killed Terry Schiavo! Wah! Wahhhhhhh!

It's all these former staffers hawking their books. Money never corrupted anyone. "I'm a uniter, not a divider!" It's the stem cells. It's the feminazis, the intellectual elitists, and the ecoterrorists.

It's Cthulhu. It's the martians.

It's anyone but Bush.

Fear and Loathing in Chicago Suburbia

So I get more test results. The results from that retarded test of "Glucose Tolerance" are in, and apparently I'm doomed. I failed the test and some other stupid test they did that measures blood-sugar level over 3 months, even though they only took blood the one day - which sounds suspicious to me.

Fact of the matter is, I'd rather be dead than have diabetes. I'd rather be dead than have to eat nothing but PLAIN oatmeal (can you say "wallpaper paste"?) for the rest of my life and keep sticking myself with pins to check and see if I can eat or if I have to starve more.

I'd rather be dead than trying to stick to a 1500 cal./day diet again, only to fail and feel like an utter failure at life in general. I'd rather be dead than to have them cut off my feet because I got a little cut and didn't realize it and now my feet are destroyed.

I'd rather be dead than to have diabetes.

I'm tired. Sick and fucking tired, of being sick. Of being tired. Of being fucking exhausted. Of being lectured by doctors about how I need to lose weight and exercise - with no suggestions of how to do either one, considering that every fucking diet I go on leaves me weak and starving, concentrating ONLY on food and the clock and when I can get a little tiny bit more to ease the gnawing, growling, aching, pain, starving, misery that is life for a few minutes. Of trying to work out, only to have my back, or my knees, or my heart-rate tell me in no uncertain terms to "SIT DOWN YOU DAMNFOOL IDIOT".

Do these fucking doctors think that I ENJOY being fat and ugly and having heart palpatations and being unable to even go to the mall without pain?

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. I have to go in again on Wednesday - to get my mandatory lecture from the new Dr. about how if I would just lose weight, yadda, yadda, yadda, bleh.

And the worst of it is that I know FOR A FUCKING FACT that my hormones have something vital to do with all this. Maybe not the diabetes, but then, maybe so! I know it. I know what happens with my feet swelling up and unswelling. I know about what happens with my cyclical energy "highs" that are followed up by extreme lows. I KNOW THIS - but not one single fucking doctor will listen to me.

Ok, that's not true. The GYN listened to me. He knew it was hormones. He knew it before he even took blood tests to confirm it. I told him all the symptoms, and he said "It is obvious you have a progesterone deficiency". And he put me on HRT. And for the first time in YEARS, I felt human again. I had energy. I wasn't depressed. My legs weren't swollen. I could THINK and CONCENTRATE... and then I got the fucking blood clots in my leg and lung and they took me off the HRT and now I'm back where I was except even worse.

This DR will get one chance. One opportunity to listen and take me seriously. If he doesn't - then I'll go hunting again. Somewhere there has got to be someone who can balance this all back out again. I can't live like this. I'd rather be dead.