Friday, December 14, 2007

X-Mas Carols Rant

[rant on]

Since Nancy Pelosi still insists that impeachment is "off the table,

All I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to SHUT THE FUCK UP

And yes, John, This is Christmas - so shut the fuck up, you're dead and your wife's an old hag who can't sing.

What the fuck happened to the old fashioned "Firestone Christmas Album" carols that they played in the stores when I was a mere lass? Bing and Burl and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Handel, Tschaicovski and the Vienna Eunuch's Choir? Jingle Bells and Silent Night and Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, the Sleighride song, and roasting your chestnuts over an open fire? Tannenbaumen und Wassail?

While I think it's cute that Grandma got run over by a reindeer, and I'll gladly buy Alvin that Hoola Hoop he's wanted for years, and I always giggle at "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" - when it comes time for that "Old Xmas Spirit" - I just can't get it from John and Mariah. And unfortunately, those seem to be the ONLY two songs they're playing in stores I patronize this year.



[rant off]

402 Days

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ice, Ice, Baby...

Gah, I hate that song.


There is ice all over my car. There has been ice all over my car for about 4 days now. Maybe 6. Time flies when there is ice on your car. The weather has been stupendously awful. Sn*w, Rain... Snain.... This morning it was raining, but it is supposed to change to Snain and possibly Sn*w this aftnoon.

The first day of the ice-car was interesting. Usually when I have to chip my windshield free of ice it is a gut wrenching nightmare of tiny chips and frozen hands, culminating in very bad words flying into the chill winter air.

This last time, I got in the car, started it and got the heater blowing icy air at the windshield (as it had not warmed up yet), then got out with my WID (Weapon of Ice Destruction) hand-ice-scraper and dragged a corner across the ice on the windshield. To my surprise, the whole sheet of ice shattered into bajillions (exact number) of pieces which politely slid down the hood and onto the pavement.

Now, this was not just a tiny bit of ice - it was approximately 1/8 to 1/4 inch thick. It had been raining and snaining for most of the night previous. I was impressed - but cautious. I then attacked the ice on the side windows and the rear window - to similar effect. What do you know - polite ice!

Ever since the ice storm, I notice traffic has been lighter. Perhaps Governor Blagojevic has issued the ultimatum I suggested - that at Thanksgiving we deport everyone born or raised south of the Mason-Dixon line back south of it, or over to Indiana until Easter. After that they can come back. They just can't drive in winter. In Indiana, nobody would notice. (*Ducks from possible thrown things from John*)

I think I may have a line on that pheasant plushie - I was at Petco the other day and saw dog toys - pheasants, mallards and such. I think they are training toys for hunting dogs. Shhh - don't tell anyone, but Lea got her GrandDog a new stuffed plushy hedgehog for Xmas - it has squeakers in its tummy and has a santa hat.

405 days