Things I'd LOVE to say at work.... but can't

"When exactly is it you wanted me to do my REGULAR work?"

"I'm asking you for a little help - not the life of your firstborn child."

"Actually, yes, Miss, there is a reason we aren't paying your invoices at 30 days - it's because you are SUCH an annoying GIT that I've asked my boss to hold your payments just to piss you off even 1/2 as much as you piss ME off"

"Don't ask me... nobody tells me anything."

"Do I look like a farking private secretary???"

"Sorry, I died last week. I'm not being replaced for a month."

"This isn't brain surgery - I need those receipts!!"

"I'm sorry - I only take phone calls between 9:00 a.m. and 9:02 a.m. please try again later."

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Disclaimer: Not all of the above are actually relevant to my current job. I actually love my job, despite the small aggravations and irritations and foibles.

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It's amazing, really, when I think about it. The last thing in the world I wanted to be when I was "grown up" was an Accountant. I got to visit where my Dad worked several times and I thought it looked hideously boring and tedious and blah. And to an extent, it is. But it's also something I'm good at, it's marketable, and it incorporates two of my favorite things - research and puzzle-solving. The puzzle solving comes in the form of my all-time favorite thing in my job - balancing the bank statement to the GL and the checkbook. Yes, I know I'm strange. If you don't know it by now, you haven't been paying attention.

307 days

The Typin' 'o the Green

Happy St. Patty's Day, y'all.

This is the day that Amanda was supposed to have been born - but her father had predicted that she would be born on his birthday (the 10th) and she must have heard him say it enough and so, the very last words she heard from Mom before the contractions started were screamed toward the bedroom from the bathroom: "TERRY!!! YOU AND YOUR G*****M PREDICTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!". Sorry Sweetie - I know it should have been the gentle shake and "Darling - it's time - the baby is coming... " and a shy smile and all. But your bedroom hadn't been painted yet, and the bed was still in pieces in the corner. And I wasn't ready yet!!! I thought I still had another week!

Ah well. *smile*

Tonite we're going to a party - not my forte by a long throw. I get itchy in rooms with too many people in them. It's like there isn't enough air or something. Nobody in this group smokes, so its not that - it is just me being claustrophobic or agoraphobic or possibly just weird.

Over the weekend it was warmer, and almost all the sn*w and ice melted in the back yard. This has made me frustrated, as the weather is not good enough to play in the garden, but I can see what a mess it is and how much work needs to be done on it. A squirrel was screwing around in the dirt a lot this fall, and he made a large mess in the flowerbed.

Have a WONDERFUL day!

308 Days

Geese on the Sunrise

It was chilly this morning, frost on the windshield and all that, but as I drove over the arch of the bridge over the hideously mis-named Elgin/O'Hare Expressway (which goes to neither Elgin, nor O'Hare), the sky was a pale, pale blue with those thin, wispy and slightly lumpy silver clouds, and the newborn sun rising behind them. A wedge of geese flew north through the sunrise.

I would have taken a photo, but they were winging it fairly quickly, and I'm not sure this cheap camera would have shown anything other than a dark blur against the beautiful sunrise, and you all would have been sending me packets of lens papers and micro-fiber cloth to clean my camera's nose.

It would appear that Spring is actually springing. While there is still a mound of ice in the back garden area, each night when I come home it's a bit smaller, and some of the plants from last year have a bit of green showing, primarily the Iris.

I'm looking forward to late spring this year because I'm interested to see which of my perennials that I planted last year have survived and thrived. I'm hoping the Lavendar does, I also hope the Peony has been fruitful and multiplied. The Daffodils take care of themselves, mostly, and I would like to see some better flowering on the pink Bleeding Heart, as last year it was a bit scanty and only the all-white ones did well.

I think I will try to grow peppers this year. The woman next door did some last year and got a lot of good-sized bell peppers and some jalapenos. Can't hurt, and certainly can't do any worse than the unsuccessful zucchini!

Been pouring over the seed catalogs - I wish I had enough of a yard to plant a real veggie garden again like I had in Denver. I don't miss much about Colorado, but I sure do miss the old house. Some day I will have to go back again and visit my tree. Maybe I'll remember to bring my farking camera and take a photo of it.

311 Days

Philosophy and Migraines

I have, over the last 24 hours, managed to solve all of the world's problems. It's all a matter of... well... I don't remember. Every time I get a headache I can do this - but I never remember.

See, I had a migraine last nite. Most of the night. Hurt like 100000 motherf*ckers motherf*cking. When I have these migraine headaches, I can't do much more than lay down in a very dark, very quiet room with a glass of tepid tea and a straw. It's about all I can do (physically) to sip a bit of tea from time to time without hurling.

My brain, however, goes on overtime. Thinking, philosophizing, and problem-solving. The only trouble is, memory is being utilized by the WTFOMGHEADACHE module, and retention is nil.
You would think that maybe having another person present to take notes would take care of the retention bit - but that would mean actual noise of a pen scratching on paper, a person breathing - and my own voice. Nope, no can do. Need complete silence and darkness.

Take notes myself? Shirley, you jest! (/bad "Airplane" joke)

So until they invent mental-telepathy-input to my computer - I guess we're all still screwed. Sorryyyyyyy.

312 Days

Benjamin Franklin was a Sadistic Bastard

According to the movie "National Treasure" (and considering how easy it actually would be to Google the truth, I'm going to assume that Bruckheimer, et al did their homework), Benjamin Franklin is responsible for the idea of "Daylight Savings Time".

Fall back. I can deal with that. The extra hour of sleep - or play - or cleaning - or whatever - is always welcome. I like being on-time or early for work for a week or so while my body adjusts.

The problem is with this past weekend - "Spring Ahead". No. I don't want to. I want to stay laid back in my Fall Back time zone and forget this "Spring Ahead" nonsense. I'm TIRED, dammit!! It's only 7:30, I should just NOW be getting dressed and driving to work, well-rested and perky, instead of glowering at my computer screen, hovering protectively over my cup of coffee and trying to remember if this is Tuesday, and what needs doing if it is.

If the farking government is going to force this on us annually, then I think they should be paying for FREE STARBUCKS FOR EVERYONE FOR THE WEEK.

Yours Snoozefully,
Sewmouzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

PS:
I couldn't take myself out to dinner for Amanda's birthday last nite, as I forgot it was Monday nite and all the Chinese restaurants in the area are closed on Mondays. I don't know why. Apparently it's the holy day of take-out-in-white-boxes or something.



314 Days

The weekend slowly seeps away

There's really never enough weekend in a weekend - even in a 3-day weekend, which this wasn't, but should be, but oh well, cry in my soup.

I didn't do anything of substance this weekend. And I don't give a rat's.

I'm going to have leftover tuna casserole for dinner - and I don't give a rat's.

I spent this weekend relaxing and reading and doing a lot of "me" things instead of chores, chores, chores - and I not only don't give a rat's, I'm fairly smug about it.

Of course this means work after work this week, but... meh.

Tomorrow I will take myself out for Amanda's birthday. I would take Amanda out too, but she is far, far away and it would be murder to try and commute it - Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

For Amanda - who wants photos of the cats - and for Croila, who wanted to see a picture of Kili with JUST HER HEAD under my stepstool, sleeping - Here you go:

Kili has, however, also on occasion lately hidden ALL of her under this same stepstool - see below:

Well, all of her except a smidge of tail, I guess. The lump in the foreground is Mindi, the Fat Kitty. They are litter-mates, and they have the most gorgeous blue eyes.

316 days

Free Cussing Zone - and More Sex!

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I bought a new cell phone

Not a new plan, just an upgraded phone. See, my old phone just would not accept any headset at all - couldn't do hands-free - and because of the law in Chicago, I couldn't use my phone there, as it's "hands-free or not at all", and driving in the city is usually one of those places where I need assistance (call Leandra for directions).

So I got this new nifty phone. It's an older model, but functional, and I have a house charger, a car charger and an earbud thingy. (no, not a cyborg-like blue-toof - yet.) It also allows me to d/l ringtones to my satisfaction, and to use it as a speakerphone (altho I need to learn HOW - RTFM and all that), and it takes pictures.

I have, so far, taken pictures of the sales-counter top in the mobile store, my steeringwheel, the knee of my pants and my thumb (extreme closeup on thumb).

The "take a picture" button is on the side of the phone where I usually grab it to hold while I am dialing.

I believe this will require a certain period of adjustment. *blush*

320 days

Potholes

This has been one of the more icey/sn*wy winters here in a while. Not "OMGWTFGLOBALWARMINGWEALLGONNADIE" bad, but typical weather for winter in this area - given that the last several years have been atypically mild.

As a result of a return to "normal" winter weather, the salt & plow guys have been working more than usual, and a great deal of salt has been used on the roads.

Salt is used to keep the ice from making all the cars smack into each other. Salt also gets into the tiny cracks in the pavement and combined with the bouncing of traffic (especially heavy trucks) eventually the pavement becomes weak in some areas and holes form. This is a totally non-scientific analysis, I'm sure someone else knows better how it works. Phllhhbbbhhttt on them - I don't care how they de-erupt, I just care about the craters they leave in the road.

Out front of our work building there is a car-eating crater. It's rather amusing to watch folks creepy-crawl around it. Without a doubt anyone who was foolish enough to drive THROUGH it would end up learning how to change a flat tire fair quickly.

As of this morning, some of these potholes have been filled with asphalt. Most of them already have a coating of salt on them. A few are already sinking in, and I suspect they will revert to their devious tire-eating behavior within days.

For once I actually look forward to Spring road construction season. Hopefully they'll rework the area under the overpass so that I don't have to drive as if I were drunk to avoid all the holes.

I do try to avoid the holes, you know. Especially after my former roommate Jon rather dryly commented to me that "The idea is to AVOID the potholes - not aim straight for them and cringe!!"

Bastard.

321 days

Excitement! Cops in my house!

Ok, it was only one cop. And she was very short. It was my fault. I called them. I live in a "Quad" condo - there's one short unit, 2 "up and down" units, and then another short unit over the garages.

I came home from work last night and swung around the corner of the small street that my house lives on, and saw something odd at the end of the street (I live near a "T" intersection). There were 2 boys on the roof of the short unit house opposite mine. Yoofs - maybe 15 to 17 yrs old? One in a bright turquoise track suit, the other in jeans and a dark hoodie.

As I came around the corner, the one in the track suit jumped off the roof into the back yard of the house. This house seems to be empty - there's been a "For Sale" sign in the window, and there is a window into the next unit in the middle of the wall that rises up from their roof. (Confused yet? Sorry.)

The kid in the dark hoodie started to run for the back yard, but then dropped to his belly and rolled into the part of the roof that was next to the wall with the window - out of my sight. I stopped my car and just sat there to watch what happened - this was very strange behavior.

The kid then popped his head up for a couple seconds, saw me sitting there, and popped his head down again.

Ok - I'm suspicious now. In our subdivision, there are NEVER people on the roof unless they have tool belts and vans and hammers and things. And they don't hide - they stomp around in plain sight. Now, this could be just kids being silly or looking for a lost frisbee - but something sent up serious warning lights in my head - so I drove into my parking space, went in and called the cops.

The dispacher was - seriously - nuts. She didn't get what I was saying, she kept saying she couldn't picture it from what I said (Sorry, dear, but ALL the units look the same!!) and was generally a rather unpleasant person - but she did send some officers - THREE cop cars!!!

There was a knock at my back door - the petite lady cop came in and I took her up to MY window overlooking the roof (from which you could see the house opposite quite clearly) and showed her where I saw the Yoofs and explained what happened - then she left and the cops stomped around outside for a while, stopped a kid in a grey sweats outfit with a hoodie and talked to him for a while (patted down his legs?) - then drove off.

Ok - maybe I overreacted - but "neighborhood watch" and all that - and it was just too suspicious looking. I'd rather be wrong and look foolish than to have someone in the neighborhood get robbed or vandalized because I wasn't alert.

And maybe the cops will do a few extra runs thru the neighborhood during the day/night.

Damn kids....

325 days