What do you do when you find out one of your dearest, closest friends has cancer?
Not just a small tumor, but something that has spread and could get ugly?
And she's being strong and positive and trying with all her heart not to show how scared and sad and worried she is - being strong for "everybody else" - and looking at something with very, very bad potential outcome?
I feel that weak, powerless feeling - and I'm not ashamed to say I'm worried and a bit numb.
296 days
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
What's funny Sew is that I'm not worried. I'm also not scared. I've never been afraid of dying. After all, I'll know the answer to the ultimate question when I do.
I simply refuse to just sit back and not fight this. I've been having an interesting couple of days so far. My daughter, as you know, is a mess. My sister is coming out here next week. I argued against it until I realized that she needs to do this for herself. She really truly needs to be here.
My ex has offered to take care of my funeral arrangements should it come to that. I mean pay for everything.
This is just the first step on a very long journey. Some of it isn't going to be much fun. I know that. On the other hand, maybe I'll get that afghan and quilt finished.
As a victim of "C", and grateful survivor (it's now in total remission), many family and friends had many words of comfort. But the biggest comfort of all was wordless - a huge, long, tight hug from my wife when I emerged from that Doctor's office with a tear stained face and trembling hands. I will not lie: I was scared shitless!! I'm ready to die, but I sure as hell didn't want to! She was my courage in those dark days of chemo and puking everything up as soon as I ate it.
Her courage carried me until I could find my own again, and I grew tremendously from that experience. Above all, no matter how busy my day, I still sniff the roses before I do anything else. Big things "aren't" and little things "are", now.
As a street minister serving those without churches, and an omnipresent spirit, and one that cancer runs rampant in one side of the family I've already seen so much of it that I'm conditioned to it and it's hard for me to have feelings about it.
We are born, we live or we die by disease or accident because of all the things we do on a planet of chaos, it's all a crap shoot and and it doesn't make any difference to an omnipresent soul.
I've lived 30 years longer than I ever expected too. My body and mind are sick and fucking tired of this planet the way it is now and I'll be damn if I'm going to try to extend my life with doctors and treatments.
There is that code I arrived here with, 'survive', well, I have, for 64 years.
Actually, I find that pretty damn amazing considering all I've done trying to kill myself.
Anyway, about all I can say is to always be ready to accept death, especially your own.
Maybe I didn't say that very well but I did the best I could. I'll wish her luck if she wants to keep living, but I won't pray for her.
Just be there if and when she needs you babe. S'all you can do. x
Post a Comment