Thursday, January 25, 2007

What to do.... what to do....

A connundrum, if you will.

Ever since my niece was born - heck, ever since my niece was announced as being concieved, I've had this dream of being able to present my brother with a copy of his favorite childhood book, published in 1959, out of print for lo, these many years.

I've never found it. Until this morning. I happened to be on Amazon looking for a book on homebrewing mead and a few CD's that I need to replace because they got oogie or stolen. For some unearthly reason I decided to "search" for the title of SPTLM's childhood favorite book... and they have it.

It's a rare book, apparently, there is only one person offering it, it's used and kind of not the best condition - but it exists. They want $50 for it.

So.... considering the rather abyssmal state of the relationship between my "brother" and myself - I wonder if I should just forget about it - or go with my instinct and find a way to get it for him just because I think it would be cool.

Mind you, I have no delusions that this will somehow "fix" things between SPTLM and myself - that can only come with a concerted effort on both our parts, and specifically the decision on his part to accept that I am who I am and I'm not going to pretend to be stupid or subordinate to him..."divinity" degree or no degree.

I also found Amanda's childhood favorite library book. Again - she's not on speaking terms with me, and I have no idea if or when she plans to have kids - or if she'd even have any interest in having a copy of "Bill and Pete"... but it's really rather tempting - and significantly inexpensive enough for me to purchase even if it isn't appreciated.

I think I will certainly get Bill and Pete. Still not sure on the other one.

Suggestions appreciated.

725 days - ITMFA


BBC said...

Tell them where they can find them. If they want them badly enough they can buy them.

Your gift was in the finding.

BBC said...

Or offer to chip in for some of the costs.

Peacechick Mary said...

What are the titles of the books? You never know, one of us may have one laying around. As for buying the gifts, I go with the Beatles on this one - Can't buy me love. I would; however, write and tell them the books are available. Your brother isn't the eldest child, is he? If he is, Eldest and Divinity are some serious controlling folks.

Sewmouse said...

The ones I'm looking for are "Charlie Yap and the Snip-Snap Boys" and "Bill and Pete"

No, the brother is younger, and therein lies the rub - I was the "Brainy" one in school. Quiet, shy, and almost a straight-A student. SPTLM was 3 years younger and while popular and sociable, he was pretty much a "C" student.

"Why cant you be like your sister?"

I agree with the Beatles reference - this is just something that might make ME feel good even if they don't appreciate it.

OTOH, I may be fooling myself and become more depressed if there is no appreciation. *sigh*

Maybe I should talk to Dad too about it.

Leandra said...

One of the many life lessons I learned over the years I've walked this earth is to give into the impulses such as you describe if you can. The thing is this isn't for him. It's for you. It doesn't matter a shred if he appreciates it or not, since what I've heard of your brother he won't even recognize the intent behind the gesture.

In the end you can only control what you do and you can only do what is right from your perspective. It may be that your brother and your daughter will never come around, though my bet is that someday your daughter will grow up sufficiently to understand.

If you decide to get and to give these books, please do so for the right reasons....because it is something you wish to do and it will make you happy to do it. I've been doing this sort of thing for years and I haven't been wrong about one of them yet.

Grade School Bud said...

I would definitely get the book for Amanda. You have always loved her, and will continue to do so. I still believe there is hope for you both. I know there is must be a massive history of errors on both parts for there to be such a distance between you, and it might take a number of these gestures for her walls to come down, but if it was me, I'd try to nick away at it. I know you don't want it to be the way it is today.

As for the brother, probably some intercedence from Dad couldn't hurt. Mostly because I'm not convinced SPTLM is smart enough to interpret an olive branch gesture if the tree were to fall on him. So a little advice from Dad might help.

I love ya girl, I know we lost touch for a while, but you were never far from my heart. I'll be sending good vibes your way on this.

betmo said...

i agree with leandra- the gesture if for you. forgiveness is for the forgiver- not the forgivee.