Day Tripper mentions it that way. One of Kal Traumaqueen's long-term net friends took it this last week. BBC has been advising Lea to take it - and apparently myself as well. I defy ANYONE to claim truthfully that they haven't at least once in their lives either contemplated the act - or wished they hadn't been born, which is kind of like the same thing but different.
Sure, I've thought about it. Even on a couple of occasions I've considered "how". Unfortunately, having read Kal's blog, and that of a couple of other medical folks, I've come to the conclusion that all my "hows" would have been less than satisfactory, in execution (NO pun intended) and in efficiency - not to mention side-effects.
In the end, however, the biggest reason I never did - and won't - is that my personal philosophy says that life makes no sense whatsoever unless it is a learning experience. We sign up for a course of instruction - "Life" - and are given lessons, "labs", opportunities, challenges and tests. I think dying/death - is one of these. Some folks go in their sleep, quietly without fanfare, pain or struggle. Others fight bitter battles with disease or injury before succumbing.
Taking the Easy Way Out essentially is the equivalent of dropping out of school. "This is too hard, I'm going to quit." Unfortunately, just like in THIS life, dropping out without learning all the lessons doubtless leaves you grotesquely unprepared for the NEXT part of existance. Dropping out of school limits your choices, has the potential to limit your income. Since nobody has actually risen up from the grave recently, we don't have a first-hand account by an uninterested observer (Jesus doesn't count, if he was the Son of God, then he's biased...), so we don't know what the "Next Thing" is like, or what sort of preparatory lessons one needs to succeed in the Next Thing.
Since I don't know what I'll need for "Next Thing", I figure I'd best take all the courses I'm given, and do the very best I can at those courses. Sure, I'll do better at some than at others, and I'm sure I'll utterly make a mess of a few - but then, I couldn't figure out why I needed to take Geometry in School.
Until I started designing quilts...
280 days
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6 comments:
The easy way out ... hmmm. I see it as the hardest way out, actually, because of several things. The thought of actually doing it and botching it horrifies me beyond belief. The thought of what my friends and family would feel is even worse than that. And the thought of being dead and there being NOTHING (yes, even though I'm an atheist) petrifies me too. The great nothingness which I do believe exists terrifies me so, so far in my life I can honestly to goodness say the thought of topping myself has never crossed my mind because of these fears.
There have been some shit times yes, but thankfully they've never been scarier than facing the consequences of that ultimate action.
Anyway.
Geometry ... quilts! Wow! What a beautiful tie-up!
I haven't been reading the blogs for a bit so I was unaware that BBC thinks I should kill myself. Pleasant thought. The thing is that were my life unbearable because of pain or I was so incapacitated I was almost a veggie, I would not hesitate to do so and I have the means.
At this point I am not helpless, and I am not in intractable pain. What little pain I have, I am learning to control. It should become less once the chemotherapy kicks in.
Such things are personal decisions and are frankly absolutely no business of anyone but the person involved and their family. For that reason, I think one of my rare STFUs is appropriate here.
"It" has a name. That name is Suicide. No matter how we try to pretty the word up, the end result is always one ugly son of a bitch. "This is the moment I chose to quit living." All the pretty ever wrapped around the word, falls off that moment to expose only ugly finality.
It is NOT the easy way out. Don't EVER believe that. It takes a lot of courage to kill yourself.
"BBC has been advising Lea to take it - and apparently myself as well."
He would better be of service to both of you (not to mention the world at large) if he first did it himself, then pointed out "easier" ways. He is after, a talented handyman who knows all the short cuts.
I didn't say she should kill herself. I said that it is okay to end your life if you are tired of fighting the battle for life. I swear, you people are idiots and are just afraid of dying.
Sewmouse:
In this post you said: "BBC has been advising Lea to take it"
But Leandra said in these comments: I haven't been reading the blogs for a bit so I was unaware that BBC thinks I should kill myself."
There appears to be a contradiction between the two of you. Perhaps it would be better if you waited to make such accusations against BBC, until you had verified the facts, as practicing medicine without a license (which BBC would be doing if he did the things you said) carries a serious penalty. Worse, the gravity of the subject demands the utmost respect, and factual comments made regarding it.
Ok - here is the quote from both Lea's blog and mine:
"I have a wonderful pain killer, but I can't give it to you. It's a personal choice and it's my choice.
It's a bullet and you should take your own way out."
Now, maybe I read that wrong - perhaps it was NOT meant to suggest that Lea should off herself. But "YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN WAY OUT" doesn't sound ambiguous to me.
The fact that Lea hadn't read the comments yet didn't negate their existance. The fact that Lea is far more sensible than to take the advice of someone from the internet whom she has never met over that of her physicians and friends doesn't make the YOU SHOULD comment any more palatable.
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