Monday, August 28, 2006

Numbers Game

Ok, so as of today, things haven't gone over 135 except for the one day when I was all fardleschnockered up with eating. (never really had 2 hours between "meals".

In fact, had a couple of "VLN" tests (Very Low Number - not a technical term, but my way of dealing with it mentally.) 116, 115, 91.

Now, the 91 was yestereve - Sunday nite before supper. The thing is, Sunday is my somewhat "fast" day. I don't usually eat breakfast OR lunch, just a sort of light "brunch" around 10-11-or even as late as 1:30 pm. Oh, I'm sure the Dr. will have all SORTS of fits about my weekend noshing schedule (or lack of such). But really, I don't feel hungry when I'm at home. When at work is a different beastie altogether.

My internet connectivity has gone all to shit again. If it is still as unstable as it was last night, I will call Comcast again tonite. We couldn't do our usual Sunday Night Dungeon run in WoW (there are 5 of us who set aside a few hours on Sunday nites to play) - and it was mostly because of MY conn problems (although Geraldo's loose antenna wire was an issue as well).

I do seem to be back on track on the whole "do stuff" routine at home. I have made lists and have actually done most of them. The floors still give me fits because it hurts so much to mop - but I'll get to that at some point. Right now, just getting the clutter un-cluttered some, and getting the killer dustbunnies out of the way will help enormously.

I am feeling a lot like all I have been doing is being sick and being tired and DEPRESSED!! I need to get the house cleaned more. I need to get OUT of said house more. I need to work on my quilts more and fixate on my problems less. Easier said than done.

However. Someone near and dear (ok - FAR and dear, but still dear) gave me a serious lecture about inappropriate attachments, being too house-bound and the choices we make and such. He still thinks I'm scared of the "C" word (committment) because of what happened with Terry. I suspect he is correct. (Damn him, he usually IS) I know that my self-protective instinct is to stay away from anyone/thing that I know has the potential to hurt me. I think that's why I'm not able to pursue the whole "serious" bit seriously. It's easier to be glib and causal, no expectations, no hopes, no dreams -because then you get no rejections, no disappointments, no heartaches.

I've lost my ability to "believe" in the whole romance deal for the great extent.

In other news - I did open up just the slightest and kind of let some info about me out to the "world" by posting a comment in a blog that I really enjoy reading. I don't always agree with Mustapha, and CERTAINLY not often with his other "commentors" - but he asked about the people reading his blog, and I felt it was only polite to respond, even if only somewhat "vaguely".

I know that Pirate will likely have fits about this - but I think it's important to read ALL sides of an issue, even if you don't agree with someone. To get a glimpse of how their mind works, of seeing their side of things, of learning the "why" and the "what" of their life, gives perspective. It helps to see the rest of the inhabitants of the planet as PEOPLE. Rather than as "Damn Israelis" or "Damn Muslims" or "Damn Libs" "Damn Cons" "Damn Freepers"....

Ok. Damn Freepers I can relate to. The rest are people.

And MOST of these people want nothing more than to live their lives quietly, tending their gardens, cooking their favorite foods, laughing with their friends and feeling happy. The "death" people, those who would choose war over peace, hatred over cooperation, who would sacrifice their children, and their grandchildren's futures (And yes - both Nazerallah and GWB fit that description!) are the minority.

Most are like the little old italian lady that a friend of mine spoke to many years ago in Italy. My friend asked if the lady was happy living under (at that time) communist party domination of the country. The lady said (paraphrase) - "Communists, Royalists, Democrats - what does it matter? I tend my garden, I do my laundry, I feed my children."

Those who would play "god" with other people's lives for the sake of their own power-hubris trip are the evil ones. George Walker Bush leads THAT line.

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