Tuesday, September 08, 2009

When Toilets Attack!!!!

Or maybe it should be "Toilets Gone Wild!!!"
Perhaps... "Rosemary's Toilet". "The Haunted Toilet"
"Revenge of the Potty" would just be silly.

So Friday night I got home a bit late. Fell asleep reading, and awakened to the feeling as if the bed had grown a set of "Magic Fingers". Leg spasm, or mini-earthquake? You decide.

Of course, waking in this manner requires the obligatory bathroom visit. In the dark. Because I don't want to turn on lights. Mission accomplished, I reset clothing to rights and reach for the flushing lever. I push it down. Suddenly the floor begins to shake. Clanking noises! Banging! The water tank sounds like there are rattlesnakes in it, hissing and slapping against the sides. My heart races! Adrenaline pumps! The thought of a huge plumbing bill and possible flooding of the entire house looms! I yank up the handle and silence prevails again. I stop shaking. There is no sound of water overflowing anywhere.

Slowly the adrenaline seeps back into wherever adrenaline seeps when it's done scaring the woohoojus out of you.

I turn on the sink to wash my hands.

The water spits and gurgles. The pipes bang and clatter. But only for a few moments. Then the only sound is water rushing into the basin.

Only then do I remember.

On my way to work Friday morning, I saw a fleet of village trucks and a backhoe over near the local swimming pool. Apparently there was some sort of water-main leak.

Bet they had to turn off the water.

Uh huh.

Air gets in the pipes...

No, the toilet is NOT possessed, Sewmouse, you twit.

I flush again.
No problems.

You know - ya can't make this shit up.

1 comment:

Zed said...

Very well written. And talking about toilets, there was a HUGE floater at work this morning that even managed to gross me, of all people, out.

I had to tell somebody and this post seemed appropriate. Cheers :-)