Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Starting Points

Where does one begin in babbling out one's inner thoughts to the universe? So many things run through my mind, but they're all so jumbled up sometimes.

Everyone talks to me. It's hard for me to talk. So many have trusted me with their deep-dark selves, and I can't betray those trusts - so it feels as if I walk around with the world sometimes. But I wouldn't ever want to NOT be available for my friends.

Yesterday a co-worker made a smartass remark about how I let one of my internet buddies wake me up with an IM program at 3:00 a.m. Essentially she said that if anyone woke her up at 3:00 a.m., she'd tell them to go to hell. Nice little christian that she is....

See - the friend in question is having one of the hardest times of his life - going through pre-divorce trauma and some serious depression issues associated with it. I've been there. I've done that. I know how you can't guarantee that the worst of the depression isn't going to hit except during "normal socializing hours". How can I NOT be there for him - when so many were "there" for me when it was my turn?

It's things like that - that cause me to have renounced "xtianity". I can't reconcile what I see from it's followers, and what I have read in the bible - not with each other, and not with what I know as fact.

No doubt my brother will expect me to go to hell.
At least it will be warm.

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