Ok, it's no question I come from a dysfunctional family. I'm not 100% sure where it all went wonky, but... Dysfunctional R Us. It isn't just SPTLM. It isn't just me. There is just this undercurrent of dysfunctionality, it seems to have reared it's ugly head yet again, and to be honest, I'm sick and tired of it all.
I'm tired of having my words twisted around to mean/say something I had no intention, desire or thought of saying. I'm sick to death of having to watch every word that comes out of my mouth for fear it will be misinterpreted and misunderstood and considered an insult or worse. I KNOW that in some ways I am "socially retarded" and make mistakes of saying too much, or the entirely wrong thing to entirely the wrong person. Thing is, much as I try to keep from doing it, it still happens - and as I'm 53 years old, it is seriously unlikely that I'm going to change any time soon.
To address this issue, I've made the decision that from here forward, ALL communications with my family will be done to ALL of them. Every telephone communication will be documented and distributed via e-mail. All e-mails will be cc'd to ALL of the "interested" parties.
This is not the moment to address the issue that caused my anger. When I am able to manage it without seething, I will begin my e-mailing.
191 of 625.
I'm mostly angry because of that - because I had managed to find the quiet and calm place where I am comfortable and not seething with rage under a deliberately, deceptively barely-controlled neutral exterior.
And now I have to find the balance point again.