"Courtesy" calls

I hate telemarketers. I despise ANYONE who telephones me whom I do not know. I want them ALL to die in a fire.

I hate collections calls (both making them and getting them!), but at least I understand them. Now, I'm not complaining about my Dr's office that gives me a Courtesy Call to let me know I have a Dr. appointment (since it's usually 3 months between appts, and I have the attention span of a gnat and a memory like a steel seive)

What I am ranting on right now is these so-called "Courtesy Calls" from vendors. My mortgage company was the first and worst.

Me: Hello?

ST(Stupid Twat): Hi, I'm calling from Sewmouse's Mortgage Company, is Ms. Sewmouse available?

Me: This is Sewmouse, is there a problem with my mortgage?

ST: Before I can tell you anything, I have to verify that you are, in fact, Ms. Sewmouse - I'll need you to answer these Very Personal Questions.

Me: Look, your phone number comes up in my caller ID as "Unavailable" - YOU called ME - I think that it is imperative that YOU prove to me who YOU are, before I give you my Very Personal Answers. Now - IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH MY MORTGAGE?

ST: I'm sorry, but until you answer these Very Personal Questions, I cannot answer that. Here is a telephone number you can call to verify that I am calling from Sewmouse's Mortgage Company.

Me: How the fuck do I know this isn't some phishing scam and this phone number belongs to Nat Pagle* who will CLAIM to be Sewmouse's Mortgage Company just to get my Very Private Answers???

The last 6 exchanges continue in the same vein for about 5 minutes... then
ST: (Hangs up on me)

The next morning I called my mortgage company direct (from the phone number on my little mortgage-payment-slips). The very polite lady there told me there was nothing wrong with my mortgage, but that it had been a "courtesy call" to let me know my payment was due in a few days. I asked her to name me ONE PERSON who would have considered that call to have been "Courteous". She failed.

Yesterday a ROBOT PHONE VOICE called our office to ask us to return their call to Federal Express - the COLLECTIONS division - and to MAKE SURE WE HAD OUR ACCOUNT NUMBER READY. Excuse me??????? Do I REALLY look like the type of person who can be pushed around by a disembodied robot phone voice????

Not to mention the fact that with more than one location, and several FedEx services, we have a number of Fedex account numbers. Would have been nice if the dipshit phone voice had indicated WHICH ONE.

So, in an effort to be obnoxious back, I returned the call to the Fedex Revenue Dept - and began dealing with what STARTED OUT as a snotty little collections agent. Of course, I quickly took the upper hand by demanding that he tell ME what account number concerned him, as I had several and really had no time to deal with this nonsense. SLCA lost a bit of his bluster.

Oh - then he wanted my phone number. Well, I can TRY to do that, although we DO have a 12-number hunt-group, so if it's not the main number, we're SOL. About this time SLCA started to become almost human. "Oh, here it is - this was just a COURTESY CALL - to let you know your Fedex bill is a little overdue"

So I told him that there was nothing at all "COURTEOUS" about having a robot telephone voice call - in fact it was downright RUDE - and that if they couldn't manage the COURTESY of having an actual PERSON make the call, then I usually do not bother to return them.

He hung up on me too. How COURTEOUS is that?


*WoW players will probably get the reference.

193 days