Angry

Ok, it's no question I come from a dysfunctional family. I'm not 100% sure where it all went wonky, but... Dysfunctional R Us. It isn't just SPTLM. It isn't just me. There is just this undercurrent of dysfunctionality, it seems to have reared it's ugly head yet again, and to be honest, I'm sick and tired of it all.

I'm tired of having my words twisted around to mean/say something I had no intention, desire or thought of saying. I'm sick to death of having to watch every word that comes out of my mouth for fear it will be misinterpreted and misunderstood and considered an insult or worse. I KNOW that in some ways I am "socially retarded" and make mistakes of saying too much, or the entirely wrong thing to entirely the wrong person. Thing is, much as I try to keep from doing it, it still happens - and as I'm 53 years old, it is seriously unlikely that I'm going to change any time soon.

To address this issue, I've made the decision that from here forward, ALL communications with my family will be done to ALL of them. Every telephone communication will be documented and distributed via e-mail. All e-mails will be cc'd to ALL of the "interested" parties.

I'm angry.

This is not the moment to address the issue that caused my anger. When I am able to manage it without seething, I will begin my e-mailing.

191 of 625.

I'm mostly angry because of that - because I had managed to find the quiet and calm place where I am comfortable and not seething with rage under a deliberately, deceptively barely-controlled neutral exterior.

And now I have to find the balance point again.

Odd things

Odd Thing #1

I can't throw away clothes.

Other people can throw out clothes when they get too ripped or stained, or whatever. It takes an ENORMOUS act of willpower for me to throw out something, even something as hideous as the pair of black slacks that are so threadbare you can see my legs thru them if I put them on. "They're still good for gardening", I rationalize.

Stained t-shirts are great for around-the-house chores. Nevermind that I have to spend more time getting ready if I want to go out because I have to change clothes.

My closet is packed with stuff I don't wear. It's embarassing. Some of it I give away to Goodwill or whoever has the bins out by the car wash now - but a lot of it is VERY dated (nobody would want to wear it any more than I do..)

Let's face it - I'm NEVER getting back into those size 8 jeans in the bottom drawer...

I need to adjust my mind-set on this one, but it is difficult.

190 of 625.

Back to Work

Ah, home sweet home.

How nice to lay in my own bed, eat my own food, have my cat back from the kennel, and best of all - my computer and net connection back!

(Doing the ninja thing on my dad's neighbor's conn just felt rather naughty - not to mention the signal strength was poop.)

Back to work today. And month-end closing to boot. Yahoo. Yippee. I think I will need a triple espresso to face the stack of mail...

Dreamed about work last nite. How sad is THAT???

Ok - off to the grindstone. I'm glad I had time off.

Why I can't live in Florida

So we went to this Bok Singing Tower yesterday. 60 miles drive to hear some yahoo play a carillon - for about 20 minutes. Then a swan tried to eat my shoe.

Damn swan.

Anyhow. I watched the entire way down there - there were like 40 grocery stores, endless tire outlets - and not one single book store.

This morning I went online to check. There isn't a Barnes and Noble within a 45 mile radius of here. That is just unacceptable. I can't concieve of living in a place where all they do is eat and never read.

The swans near my house never tried to eat my shoes, either.

Granted, right now the weather is damn near perfect. Not too humid, not dry, sunny most days and cool at nite and warm in the day - just like Springtime. There are flowers blooming, and grapefruits on the tree are big and round and yellow. There are tons of oranges, tangerines, &etc all over the place. It's lovely - but no bookstores, and in a few months it will be hot and humid and miserable and all the grapefruits will be gone.

And they still wont' have any bookstores.

I'm flying home tomorrow. Out of Springtime and into Winter again.

I am homesick

I want to go home.

Not that I don't love my Dad and all - I want to pack him up in my luggage and take him along. But I want MY bed, MY stuff, MY car, etc. Vacation is ok and all but I really do like my comfortable little hermit cave.

I'm making crock-pot beef stew with beer and caraway seeds for dinner. I put in extra caraway seeds in honor of Zac. *snicker*

It is raining here today - but it is supposed to go away and be mostly sunny in the afternoon and about 76 F. It is sn*wing at home. hehehehe

I suppose I'd want to take the weather along with me as well.

Today we are going to the Bok Singing Tower. Some tower in a bunch of gardens, with a guy at the top in the tower playing carrilon bells. *shrug* Dad wanted to go right when I got here, but my legs and feet were so sore from the airport hiking I asked for a few days respite before the uphill hike to the tower.

I've been helping him clear out some of his mail as well. He gets a HUGE pile of mail every day - almost all of it one form or another of solicitation for his money. They play on his patriotism, religiosity, and sympathy - a few even try the "fear" tack. I had to LMFAO at one - "This letter double sealed for security" - So inside is another sealed envelope "To be opened ONLY BY (dad's name)"

So of course, I opened it up - and inside was this frantic plea for money to "defeat the godless lib'ruls" - and one sentance cracked me up so bad "This letter must NOT EVER fall into the hands of the liberals"....

Oops.

*giggle*

It not only fell into my hands, it also fell straight into the trash can.

Another one boldly advertised "American Currency Enclosed". There were THREE PENNIES taped to the letter. I almost wet myself laughing.

I finally got fed up with Dad's nightly dose of Beck, O'Reilly and Hannity - so last nite I watched "Julie and Julia" on the laptop with the headphones on while he got his dose of Faux Noise. I must say that I really did enjoy the movie. I know it got mixed reviews, and there were a few things that I wasn't all that hot on, but in total it was a movie I would watch again, even if it doesn't have any car chases in it.

Thanks to 4-Dinners, I am probably going to have to make Yorkshire Puddings today to go with the beef stew, which is not traditional, I realize, but will have to do as I don't have a roast just to hand and I have a taste for them.

Maybe I can go swimming while Dad plays bocce tomorrow.

Survival

Sooooo

Dinner with SPTLM and family was not all that bad. Mostly I kept my big mouth shut, complimented the food, talked with my pretty little niece and avoided any of the uncomfortable topics.

My brother and I have diametrically opposing views on most everything - primarily Politics and Religion. I was determined not to start a fight, but it was tense for me because I wasnt sure what would be said at me.

Fortunately, the two topics were avoided and thus although I was still tense, it went OK.

My dad brought his bottle of "Pisco" (sp?) - some Peruvian liquor - that required a degree in rocket science to assemble into a beverage - or experience as a bartender. Since SPTLM was a bartender, we brought all the "fixings" and had him make the drink. Disappointingly, it tasted almost exactly like a whisky sour, which does not require all the various and sundry ingredients, and doesn't also require sending off to Peru for the booze.

Which means that if I ever crave one of those drinks again, I can just make a whisky sour and be happy.

Yesterday we went to Church. I knew it was inevitable, so I brought a nice sweater and skirt along with me. Will probably get stuck going again on Wednesday nite (Mental note - Florida is nice in February, but do try to avoid LENT next time...)

The wind chimes are gently clanging as I sit out here on the screened patio. There is a cool breeze, lots of birdsong and a baby squirrel wandering around in the grass under the grapefruit tree, and a cardinal in the leafless deciduous bush next to it. Very nice morning.

I still feel a bit lazy for not having any handwork to do. I want to quilt every morning. This is probably a good sign for when I get home.

Dad wants us to "do something" while I am down here, so as soon as I finish this little post I am going to google some "central Florida activities" and find something to do so he feels hospitable.

I haven't put my jacket on ONCE since I've been down here.

*grin*

Vacations are good

Went to the grocery market yesterday and got the stuff to make Shepherd's Pie for me and Dad. It came out very yummy. Easy peasy too.

This morning I am going to make a cheese and chiles pie for breakfast, which will be something Dad's never had.

This evening we are going to SPTLM's for dinner. *sigh*.

I miss my quilting rather a lot. I brought NOTHING to do for hand-work this time, and it is nagging at me a bit that I should be DOING something. Well, I will have 3 days to do somethings in after I get home before I have to go back to work so that will all be good.

MY FEET HURT

And I am going to blame it on Zac - just because - and because he's not here to thwap me.

Kili is at the boarding kennel. She was NOT A HAPPY KITTY yesterday morning, as I had to once again put her into the dreaded cat-carry-box and then we went out in the COLD.. MOM IT"S COLD.. PUT ME BACK IN THE WARM HOUSE IT IS COLD OUT HERE. HELP!! ANYBODY? IT IS COLD AND SHE IS RIPPING MY FUR OFF!!!!!!

(No fur was ripped off. The neighbors, however, may not realize this.)

I believe it may have been around this time that my cell phone made a break for it and fell out of my purse. Back in the back foot-well of the car, I presume. That is where it usually hides.

The limo came right on time to get me to the airport. Yes, I said Limo. Surprisingly it was cheaper than a taxi. Embarassingly, they sent a white stretch limo like they use for weddings. Very plush, but... a bit over the top. I'd have settled for a nice town car.

Then the adventure began. First I couldn't figure out how to work the check-in screen at the airport. So I stood like a doofus until a lady helped me. Got boarding pass. Lovely. The gate is a mile and a half down the damn concourse. Security was a cakewalk, which was nice as I am always terrified of the TSA. Then more walking, walking, walking. Luckily I managed to snag a seat in the boarding area and parked my fat white ass in it until the plane arrived.

NOT so fortunately, this family of 7 with 3 sneezy, snotty, coughy kids (gorgeous, beautiful kids, but germy too). "No liquids, gels or creams allowed through the security checkpoint" - which means no Purell - which means I will probably get the sneezy, snotty, coughy thing. I hope Mickey Mouse spits in their cokes.

Landed in Nashville, the pilot SANG. Southwest Airlines is so weird.

Had to walk thru Nsshville airport from gate B208 to gate C789. Ok, maybe it was just Gate B15 to C22 - but it FELT like a 10 mile hike. I stopped 1/2 way and got a bottle of water.

The flight to Orlando was uneventful. The waiting for Dad was fraught. He got lost on the way to the airport, and I got a bit nervous waiting 2 hours on the pavement looking at EVERY SINGLE Toyota that came down the ramp, because I didn't remember if his car was red or beige.

Once I got picked up, Dad dropped the bombshell.

Dinner on Saturday with SPTLM and family.

*sigh*

No cell phone to vent to S or Pirate.

I am a big girl. In more ways than one. I can do this. I am an adult. I can manage a few hours with SPTLM.

*sigh*

A City Adventure!

So, my friend Zac - who is really just this kid I met in WoW - and his lovely ladyfriend came to Chicago this last weekend for Valentine's day.

What could be more romantic than Valentine's day in Chicago in Fucking February? Ummm....

Gosh.... I really am at a loss to think of anything LESS romantic. But then, Zac is different.

I mean, here he is, in the Big City with his lovely lady - and he wants to spend the day with a crabby old curmudgeon like me????

Obviously nuttier than a fruitcake.

Anyhow - seeing as they are from Pencil-Vane-Ya, we did the obligatory visit to the top of the SEARS Tower.

Way up there in the 103rd floor there is a "Skydeck", which lets you look out over the city. The view was awesome Saturday afternoon - you could see Indiana easily, and you could almost see all the way past O'Hare. They have these plexiglass things built into the western side of the Tower now, that hang out over the edge of the building and you can see all the way down to the street.


I did step onto it. Just barely. For once in my life I was glad of not being able to see my feet standing on "thin air" - I stayed close enough to the inside of the building so I could jump back in if it even WIGGLED.

Zac wouldn't go within 10 feet of it. *chuckle*

Anyhow, after that we went and browsed the many shops of Chicago Kitsch Souviniers (there was a mug I seriously coveted, but not $15.00 worth of coveting and besides of which it was heavy and I didn't want to lug it around) - then we made our way down the street SORTA with the help of their GPS except not exactly... I saw the sign for where we were going before the GPS could tell us where to go. Oh how we laughed.

Well, I did. So did his g/friend. Zac just gave us dirty look.

We went to Giordano's Pizza - a nice little pizzaria, very crowded.



They make a to-die-for spinach & mushroom deep dish pizza.



By the time we got done talking and all, it was time for me to turn into a pumpkin, so we caught a cab back to Navy Pier.




We were all surprised that the Ferris Wheel was operating - even with the extreme cold. We did not attempt to ride it. I'm not that insane. Besides, I had to hike back to my car, which was several blocks away, in the cold.



In all, a fun time, and I only wish we'd had more time, and less transportation issues. Cabs are farking EXPENSIVE - and so is parking. Maybe next time I see them, we can take the "Sewmouse Tour of Chicago" - which includes some memorable Blues Brothers sites. *giggle*

Oh - and 186 of 625!

More Ideas Formulated While Commuting:

So I'm driving to work this morning and there's this car in front of me with a license-plate holder advertising someone's website - except that the fastener to hold the plate to the car was positioned in just such a way that it blocked out the top of the letter "O" in the (dot)com part of the URL.

Which got me to thinking. Since EVERYONE knows that "The Internet is for Porn" - and 100's of 1000's of dollars go into Pr0n advertising, and there are like 2 Pr0n websites for every "normal" one - not to mention Rule 34 - and considering the amount of time and energy wasted on things like "net-Nanny" and such - why not just give all the Pr0n providers their very own extention? "(dot)CUM". They could have all the addys - and parents would only have to block the one extention - well, maybe two, if they got "(dot)ORGY" as well... They could even have their very own search engine "OOGLE".