Balanced

On the tip
of the point of a needle
Arms outstretched
One tiny breeze can break the spell

balanced on the tip
of the point of a needle
like a dancer en pointe
untried, fragile gossamer wings spread

one breath can tip the balance
to soar and fly
or to fall and fail
never having flown, fear of breathing

Balanced on the tip
of the point of a needle
to fall without trying
to try and possibly fall

Antici..........



................




pation. (Sorry, Dr. Frank...)



I choose.
I fly.



387 days

End of the year...

Been away a bit again, sorry about that.

Lots of hassles around the hacienda - made for a rather tense Christmas weekend. Almost all sorted now, however. Few more days ought to bring things back to "normal" - as normal as it gets around here.

Got a few presents, sent a few presents. Have a couple more to send. In all, despite the hassles, not a bad thing.

I want to say something here... I'll probably regret this, but maybe it's time to comment on the comments and stuff.

Many years ago, I met a guy online who rather surprisingly became a dear friend very quickly. We have an extraordinary friendship, one that has withstood a lot of challenges and issues. We've "been there" for each other through some awfully rough shit in both of our lives. This isn't a "romantic" thing - (not that he isn't attractive that way, but we both have other "commitments") - but rather a soul-bonding friendship that transcends mere physical desire. We have both felt that we can tell one another "anything", without being judged or condemned. He's one of the few people who can bluntly tell me to get my head out - and have me listen, rather than telling him to piss off..

He's pretty protective of me - although he knows I'm capable of being Bitch of the Week on my own and has called me on it more than once. He knows what will make me laugh, and he knows me at my best as well as my worst. He's gone by a LARGE number of nicknames over the years, in many venues - but lately he seems to have settled in my blog as "Visionary."

A relatively short while ago, I also met online a guy whom I enjoyed sparring and teasing around with. Again, not in a romantic or physical sense, but someone I enjoyed talking with. While I didn't agree with everything he says, nor he with me, we had good times talking and discussing. He had started to learn about me, but didn't know everything - especially the bit about how I really am able to completely write off what I consider to be a toxic situation. You folks know him as BBC.

A few months ago, BBC made a comment about me that was based on partial truth - but more on his own assumptions based on those truths. I'm not going to go into it here - but it was enough for me to say to him "Goodbye" and stop reading/commenting on his blog or responding here.

In the midst of all the hassles and turmoil this week, one thing I got was an e-mail from BBC, with what I firmly believe was a very sincere apology. I respect that.

Bill - I accept your apology - thank you for it. I am trusting that you, unlike others, are smart enough to know that "sorry" doesn't count if you plan to do the same thing again, and I'm certain you won't.

All the rest of you? I suspect that BBC and Visionary may well continue to spar and spit in comments. I'm ok with that. I'm certain my "readers" know the difference between MY opinion and that of those who comment. With only a VERY few exceptions, I've always let comments stand.

Merry Christmas, All.
Happy New Year.
Bright Blessings to each and every one of you.

Sewmouse.


389 Days

Schlaf im Himmlischen Ruh

As a kid, we had to learn to sing that auf Deutsch (Schtille Nacht, Heilige Nacht). Such were the punishments of attending Lutheran grade school. We also TRIED to learn to sing Adeste Fideles - but since we weren't Roman Catholic we didn't do so well with the Latin.

We have carols playing here all day long. It's not as annoying as the stores, because they have ALL the songs, not just the 2 that annoy me. D, one of my co-workers has house-lighting fever. I fervently believe his family is single-handedly responsible for all global warming due to their conspicuous electrical consumption. ComEd must LOVE them.

In some ways, I miss the whole childhood Christmas Eve school pageant/service thingy. Practicing walking on the wooden risers on the stage in the Gym without STOMPING LOUDLY. Remembering the Auf Deutsch words and learning to walk up the risers in a choir robe without tripping and falling on your face and dropping the little electric candle you were holding as you marched in.

Enviously wanting to yank every one of the long blonde banana curls out of Rhonda's hair. (Mom thought I looked cute in a short page-boy style. Ugh.) Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with no breathing room in front of the kindergartener's chairs they brought in for us to sit on - and thinking you would faint from the lack of oxygen before the 8th graders ever finished the "Magnificat", and wishing we could just fast-forward and skip over to "Joy to the World" and get out of there and do the presents-opening thing...

Wondering why we had to bring TWO cars to church when we lived only 1/2 mile away, and Dad always left the service/program about 20 minutes before we did... (Hello, Santa!!)

On the other hand - putting up lights and a tree for just a few weeks is so much work for so little "perk" - I'd rather spend the time working on the house.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the year. All this 4th Quarter vacationing is sooooo unusual for me. Not that I'm complaining. Much.

396 days

Winter Wonderland

I grew up near Addison, Illinois - a small town out in the rural area, but with a nifty little amusement park - now long gone - Adventureland

They have since widened the cross-street, built a "berm" in the former parking-lot and turned the area into a business park. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go wandering around in the remaining wooded area there - would I find old "Skee-ball" tokens? Perhaps a cheap metal ring with a plastic "stone"? I wonder if anything remains of the amusement park that once was?

I drive past it every day on the way in to work. Such memories. *smile*

In the spirit of "The Season" - whichever "Season" you choose to celebrate - here are a couple links. First the lyrics to "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" - sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland" - couldn't find a YouTube version that I liked.

Then this video of a song that Kal Trauma Queen once sent me back in the days when we hung out in Harry's Bar. Ho Ho... EVERYBODY sing!!!

398 days

X-Mas Carols Rant

[rant on]

Since Nancy Pelosi still insists that impeachment is "off the table,

All I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to SHUT THE FUCK UP

And yes, John, This is Christmas - so shut the fuck up, you're dead and your wife's an old hag who can't sing.

What the fuck happened to the old fashioned "Firestone Christmas Album" carols that they played in the stores when I was a mere lass? Bing and Burl and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Handel, Tschaicovski and the Vienna Eunuch's Choir? Jingle Bells and Silent Night and Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, the Sleighride song, and roasting your chestnuts over an open fire? Tannenbaumen und Wassail?

While I think it's cute that Grandma got run over by a reindeer, and I'll gladly buy Alvin that Hoola Hoop he's wanted for years, and I always giggle at "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" - when it comes time for that "Old Xmas Spirit" - I just can't get it from John and Mariah. And unfortunately, those seem to be the ONLY two songs they're playing in stores I patronize this year.

Bah.

HUMBUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rant off]

402 Days

Ice, Ice, Baby...

Gah, I hate that song.

Anyhow.

There is ice all over my car. There has been ice all over my car for about 4 days now. Maybe 6. Time flies when there is ice on your car. The weather has been stupendously awful. Sn*w, Rain... Snain.... This morning it was raining, but it is supposed to change to Snain and possibly Sn*w this aftnoon.

The first day of the ice-car was interesting. Usually when I have to chip my windshield free of ice it is a gut wrenching nightmare of tiny chips and frozen hands, culminating in very bad words flying into the chill winter air.

This last time, I got in the car, started it and got the heater blowing icy air at the windshield (as it had not warmed up yet), then got out with my WID (Weapon of Ice Destruction) hand-ice-scraper and dragged a corner across the ice on the windshield. To my surprise, the whole sheet of ice shattered into bajillions (exact number) of pieces which politely slid down the hood and onto the pavement.

Now, this was not just a tiny bit of ice - it was approximately 1/8 to 1/4 inch thick. It had been raining and snaining for most of the night previous. I was impressed - but cautious. I then attacked the ice on the side windows and the rear window - to similar effect. What do you know - polite ice!

Ever since the ice storm, I notice traffic has been lighter. Perhaps Governor Blagojevic has issued the ultimatum I suggested - that at Thanksgiving we deport everyone born or raised south of the Mason-Dixon line back south of it, or over to Indiana until Easter. After that they can come back. They just can't drive in winter. In Indiana, nobody would notice. (*Ducks from possible thrown things from John*)

I think I may have a line on that pheasant plushie - I was at Petco the other day and saw dog toys - pheasants, mallards and such. I think they are training toys for hunting dogs. Shhh - don't tell anyone, but Lea got her GrandDog a new stuffed plushy hedgehog for Xmas - it has squeakers in its tummy and has a santa hat.


405 days

Cold Call Cold Shoulder

Salesmen, as every sane person knows, are the lowest known form of life.

Insurance Salesmen are the lowest known form of salesman - thereby making the single-cell paramecium look rather like a galaxy-sized complex organism by comparison.

Hey, salesman? Coming to the door at NOON FIFTEEN - is NOT the way to introduce yourself to a potential new client. You have just managed to do several things...

1) you have pissed off the backup receptionist who

a) Does not want to have to deal with people at the door
b) Has her own work to finish and has reluctantly agreed to put up with answering the phone so the receptionist can eat

2) You are NEVER, EVER, EVER, under ANY circumstances, going to get to see the "Traffic Manager" - because HE'S EATING LUNCH, YOU FUCKING MORON!!!

3) You've committed the lower-level of sexual harassment by mentioning how "cute" the receptionist's nails are. Shut the fuck up and slink off back to the tar pit you oozed out of this morning, buttwipe. She's young enough to be your daughter - PERVERT.


Guess what, assmunch? The receptionist came back to my office and asked how to deal with you. You're lucky she's a nicer person than I am. What I told her, and what she told you are very different things. Same result, but at least she didn't call you what I did, foreskin breath.

So now, you've pissed off the accountant too. Which means that if the traffic manager ever DOES make the collosal mistake of doing business with your company - I'll make sure it takes a looooonnnnnnnggggggggg time for you to get paid.

Die in a fire.

409 days

What I did on my Late-Autumn vacation - cont'd.

So, I met Brisco the dog, and got the royal treatment by S and Leandra - including all the Diet Pepsi I could stand. These 2 women are great cooks, btw. Thanksgiving feast was absolutely awesome, I even ate a second helping of orange potatoes (yams, sweet potatoes... whatever. They're orange.) I usually don't because folks make them too syrupy sweet. These were great.

I have no idea what order things went in from this point - but we drove into Seattle to visit a store I found there years ago when I was with Flappy - Gargoyles Statuary - in the university district. I love this store. It's got atmosphere and some really adorable merchandise. The prices aren't entirely outrageous either - although I have to limit myself to ONE piece each visit (I could easily load up on them!)

Leandra loved it too - she bought a cute little squatty round box with a dragon on the lid, done in a verdigris on black finish with celtic knots around the bottom part. I got a moon goddess in a dark walnut stain.

This is the same shop that sold me "Smokey" - my dragon. Nothing there was quite as impressive as Smokey this time - but everything is visually interesting and although the store is not huge, it does take quite a while to check the whole place out. I picked up one of their catalogs on the way out.

Then we went to do lunch. I kinda wanted seafood, so Lea asked her Garmin GPS (Lea is directionally-challenged) for a restaurant, and it led us to a mall. I am going to suppose that the seafood place was in the mall somewhere, but we didn't feel like braving mall traffic on the weekend after Tgiving, so we decided to go to the mexican restaurant around the corner. Food was good, but when we left, the GPS unit kept trying to get us to go back into the mall, instead of giving up on that and letting us go home.

Eventually we got home, however, and without having to stop for more coffee!!

We did a lot more running about and having a good time - just spending time with my friend and her daughter was great.

Flew home on Monday, a little more crowded than on the way out, but not too bad, except for having to get up at O-Dark-Thirty to get to the airport before dawn. (While Starbucks does not open that early - the espresso-hut did!! 24oz mocha with 2 extra shots...) Another semi-uneventful flight (kept getting knocked in the knee by the drinks cart as the flight-floozies rolled it back and forth repeatedly.)

Got back to O'Hare, bit of a wait on the luggage, took a cab back to the house - got in around 5:30 pm, and spent the rest of the evening being very POINTEDLY ignored by two miffed cats who felt they had been deprived of their Bastet-Given-Right to pets on demand.

After emptying my suitcase almost directly into the clothes washer, I cooked up a batch of "Tyson's Jumbo Wings O'Fire", had a nice large glass of wine and sacked out early - knowing I had to go to work the next day.

The rest of the week I spent catching up at work and agonizing over what to get for C&L for a baby gift. C works with me, and his wife L is expecting their first, and the shower was on this last Saturday. I ended up hitting K-Mart and picking up a few odds & ends in green and yellow (they've opted to wait for the birth to find out gender), and a copy of Dr. Spock and a set of childproofing locks & latches & socketplugs. Her mom and 2 other relatives (aunt? cousin? I'm terrible with this stuff) really threw a heck of a bash. Nice posh restaurant/banquet hall, good food and pretty decorations.

These ladies could start their own mini-business doing party consulting, with their attention to detail.

So, starting tonite, I'm going to have to get all those holiday cards finished and into the mail, and then I think I'll try to find some time to work in a pedicure and some "me" time.

But it's been fun - and I think I'm liking that again!

412 days

Testing - 1-2-3

Hello? hello? Is this thing on? *tap tap*

Where in the world has Sewmouse gone? I'm sure all of you have been frantically asking this... Several of you? Maybe one? Certainly one??? *sigh*

Anyhow - that little monster known as RL (Real Life®) caught up with me and I've been slightly incommunicado for a few weeks.

So, lets see - where to start.

Got back from Florida and got hauled back into the craziness that is end-of-year processing. Despite all the hustle and bustle at work, I really do like what I do, and I like the people I work for and with - so even though it is busy and a bit crazy, I go home feeling tired but good.

At home, the computer decided to start screwing up on me, turning off the keyboard and other delightful things, so I decided to get to work on my crafty projects instead of websurfing and blogging.

I'm working on putting together homemade "seasonal" cards. Christmas cards for my family and Christmas-celebrating friends, Yule cards for others, "winter" cards for others yet. So far I've had several turn out great, and a much larger number that have had to be discarded for lack of greatness. I'm picky about what I will send out.

This brings us up to the Tuesday before our US "Thanksgiving" holiday. In a fit of complete insanity, Leandra and her daughter "S" sent me a plane ticket to come to Seattle to spend Thanksgiving plus a long weekend with them and their dog.

(Leandra will now thwap me and remind me the dog only belongs to S, and that she is NOT Brisco's "doggy gramma".)

For some bizarre reason I found myself getting rather quietly paranoid of the whole TSA/DHS gauntlet at the airport. I kept seeing myself getting pulled out of the line and denied boarding for being a "terrah-ist" because I had my laptop charger/cord in my breifcase, or because of the "Backwards Bush" countdown timer on my keychain (I left that at home!!) or because of my blood-glucose meter that looks like some kind of weird James-Bond-ish bomb triggering device.

Hey! Just because I'm paranoid does not mean everyone is NOT out to get me!!

Anyhow, this became a great joke among SOME folks who shall go nameless but were called "Brat" and scowled at.

Other things that concerned me were what to do about my car, and packing. I wanted to bring some things to work on, since there would be a lot of "down time" during the football games and stuff, and I get antsy and anxious if I'm just sitting with nothing to "do". I brought along a couple skeins of this bright multi-colored yarn and some plastic crochet hooks. I also brought the fabrics for YET ANOTHER quilt top I'm working on - but didn't get to them, other than to show Leandra how well they "meshed" in the color scheme.

Clothes, sweaters, hygiene products, newly-purchased hairbrush since the one went AWOL in Florida... Leandra's birthday present, some books, my laptop, a couple DVD's (5-hour flight), and my fuzzy foamy slippers. Good thing on the foamy slippers, too - since they only have a wood-burning stove for heat and I'm a forced-air-natural-gas-furnace kind of gal.

Fortunately, through the goodness of a couple of my co-workers, I was able to leave my car at my house and take a cab home from the airport when I got back. At $22/day for parking at O'Hare, (in the "CHEAP" lots!!!) it would cost more than the damn airfare just to park there while I was gone. So one kind co-worker - "D" - drove me and my luggage from home to the office, then another co-worker - "T" - took me to the airport. "T" is a supervisor, and so it was even more impressive to me that he would take time from his schedule to haul me and my luggage around. I doubt either of them reads this, but... Thanks guys!!

Since I was leaving early on a non-major carrier the day before the "rush" travel day, I didn't have much trouble getting checked in, and no trouble at all with security. Found a nice place to sit down at the gate and about 10 min after I got there, they announced a 2-hour delay. *sigh*

10 minutes before we were supposed to start boarding, they announced another delay - another hour or more. I wandered off and got something to eat and some coffee to tide me over. After about 25 minutes, they announced boarding, so whatever was the holdup got resolved. The flight was uneventful, I watched one of my movies on the laptop, and got to Seattle about 10 pm. local. My luggage came down 3rd of the pieces from my flight, so that was all easy. Snagged a Starbucks mocha for the drive out to Everett and we got home about 11 or so.

Seattle and surrounds are great. A bit too hilly/lumpy for me because of the stick-shift thing, but damn if there isn't an espresso hut on every other streetcorner. Kind of pretty too. Reminds me a bit of Denver.

First thing when I walked in the door, I got to meet Brisco. Brisco is a 60 lb. German Shorthair Pointer - (I think that's right?) mostly brown with some white on his chest and muzzle. LONG muzzle, and a funny bulbous nose, dark brown eyes you could get lost in - long legs, stub tail and long silky ears. Wayyyy full of energy. A real DOG dog. I liked him right off.

I enjoyed him a lot - the only "down side" is that he's a food thief and you have to watch him every second if there's anything within reach that might even be MISTAKEN for edible. Dog has poisoned himself with chocolate, raisins and some other "people-foods" that dogs should never eat. Even had to watch him with the champagne. He didn't go after my diet pepsi, however.

Ok - this is becoming "wall of text" - I'll post more later.

413 days

Strange Things I See On The Way To Work...

Pheasant under Grass

When I was a kid, from time to time while riding in the car my Dad would spot a pheasant running thru the fields that surrounded our tiny tiny little village. The place I grew up was quite rural when we moved there, now it's all ghastly creeping suburbia. Being grossly myopic and a bit slow on the uptake (usually riding in the car also meant reading a book) - I almost never spotted them.

Imagine my surprise to see one laying in the median strip in the middle of a busy highway! I couldn't believe it!

I was right. I shouldn't believe it. It wasn't a pheasant. It was a pheasant carcass. Actually, it wasn't even a pheasant carcass. It was a STUFFED pheasant carcass. No, no - not something from the RoadKill Diner. Plush instead of feathers - 3-toed flappers instead of feet... a child's stuffed plushie pheasant. In the median. Of the road. Dead. Killed to death by a car perhaps. The flappers were the giveaway. Before I saw them, I still thought it might be a real pheasant under the grass clippings.


The grand prix

It was a dull shade of Silver - or maybe it just seemed dull because of the overcast sky. All the cars seemed non-shiney today. Came hurtling out of the backfield to a rocking & bouncing stop at the traffic light in the left-turn lane. Rocking so violently that a woman in a car nearby was heard to shout "You need to slow DOWN!!"

That's when I noticed his Chicago Bears-style vanity license plate "DMB41"

Yup. Dumb41 - the Grand Prick. Needs to slow DOWN. *snicker*


The Zebra Car

There is a Zebra Car out on the side of the road at a dealer on Grand Avenue. I want one. They are too farking cute for words. They even have Zap pickup trucks, which look kind of silly - but the little zebra car is too much! Bit pricey, and I don't think I'd use it except to/from work in the summertime, since it can only get up to 25 miles per charge, so I'd not be able to go any further than that - but DAMN it's cute. With gas over $3.10 a gallon again, I bet it would be cheaper than my neon too - even if the neon DOES get over 36 mph highway.

438 days

***Note to Amanda: I'd love to hear from you, but I'm not home as much as before. If you e-mail me your address and phone number (sewmouse (at) gmail (dot) com), I'll give you more contact info. Love you too, Sweetie!***